Monday by the Magazine rack.

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Hello!

Good afternoon and welcome to Monday by the Magazine rack. And what a lovely day it is too. There’s almost a wiff of Spring in the air, if only it weren’t so sodding cold and if you had dropped half an e for breakfast.

Who, in their right mind, I ask you, could complain that life’s been boring lately?

We’ve had Kevin, on a mission from God, drop in on ‘his papalness’ at the Vatican with a cask of wine half expecting that that would rally the old codger into granting Kevin an Express Post service for Aussie’s own Madge McKillop to the position of Sainthood. The rumour on the street is that Tony Abbott and Christopher Pyne are ‘incandescent with rage’ with the idea that Kevin thinks he’s got the power and the influence to sway the old git.

Of course, Kevin has arrived home, only to find himself in a media frenzy over the Chinese government’s kidnapping of Rio Tinto employee Stern Hu. For all his parading around and hob-nobbing with the black haired mop tops in Beijing, it will all amount to naught if Kevin can’t quickly resolve this situation.

Feeling stressed out lately? Well you’re not alone. A new report has found that nine out of ten of us feel stressed out and that most of us put this down to work! Who would’ve thought? Apparently, concerns about money stressed out two-thirds and one in five were “highly stressed” about it.

This may be partly responsible for this other finding that Australians are becoming rampantly addicted to painkillers and anti-depressants.

Over half a million Aussies are addicted to prescription only painkillers and sedatives – the anti-depressant Zoloft has been issued more than 230, 000 times in the past twelve months, while prescriptions of the powerful sedative Xanax have risen by 40 percent in the past ten years, in NSW alone.

Sensational stuff. But is it surprising? Frankly, I think not. With the news that Tony Abbott is about to launch a new book who wouldn’t be compelled to reach for a jar of sedatives?

Ostensibly based on an idea that it’s too easy to get divorced these days, Tony Abbott has a vision for Australia where woman are treated as second class, subservient citizens, and gays and lesbians are of course, the scum of the Earth.

Destined to be an international best-seller, Tony’s book has already been universally praised with an enthusiastic response from within his own party.

“What Tony’s doing is putting forward, I gather, is his own personal views on a particular matter” said Julie Bishop when pressed to comment.

One of the founding judges of the Family Court of Australia, John Fogarty, was even more enthusiastic..

“There isn’t any merit in it,” he said.

Family First nutjob senator Steve Fielding, was also keen to lend his support to the idea. He said, through a spokesman, “there were more important things to talk about.”

Sadly, poor old Malcolm hardly rates a mention this week after his credibility has been shot down in flames over the entire ute-gate affair.

And while Tony may have stepped in and dragged us all kicking and screaming back to the Howard years with his recent performance, his leadership aspirations may be trounced by Joe Hockey who represents the “generational change” that perhaps the Liberal party needs.

Certainly if this poll which has just been released is anything to go by, Malcolm should be worried…

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18 Responses

  1. And from that poll reb, 52% want someone else or don’t know…. not good for the Liberals.

  2. and 17% is hardly a resounding endorsement is it..?

    not to mention talculm on just 13%.

  3. I think the liberals will be a lot like the Tories in the UK in the late 90’s, where the leader to take them out of opposition is not in parliament yet. Perhaps there is room for a true liberal/democrat party?

  4. I honestly thought Talculm would’ve been the man.

    God help them if they think their future salvation lies with Tony Abbott…

  5. Sombody needs to tell the idiot Abbott that those wholesome family sitcoms from the late 50’s and 60’s were a fiction.

    And if he and the other twerps think the best way to go forward is to go back, then they’ll be in oppposition for a while yet.

    F**k’s sake, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they started to canvas Howard to stand again. As for Fielding, will someone kindly push the silly bugger off a cliff or something? He’s beginning to make Pauline Hanson sound brainy.

  6. Ross..I haven’t heard the word twerp for many years. A good word which should be used more often.

    Don’t you mean that Pauline makes Fielding look brainy. At least Pauline could run a fish and chip shop.

  7. Umm. or similar…well, you know what I mean.

  8. Min,

    We don’t know if she actually ‘ran’ the fish and chip shop.

    She might’ve just been the hired help… the batter n’ fry girl.

  9. John Elliot used the word ‘twerp’ on the Footy Show and nobody knew what it meant.

    Come to think of it, you can say any word on the Footy Show and it will be followed with much scratching of heads.

  10. Abbott would do well in a fish’n’chip shop. He could be the chipmonk.

    Or maybe the friar.

    OMG I’m so funny. I kill me.

  11. Hanson was married to a plumber named Mark.

    Mark was a heroin using surfer who smuggled heroin into Australia several times and was busted for dealing.

    When he was in jail Pauline did a runner with the kids and another man from Coolum to Ipswich and cleaned out the bank accounts.

    Pauline divorced Mark and got most of the assets which were the dividends of years of selling heroin and you all know the story since then.

  12. Migs..my late dad used the word twerp (sparingly because he never was into name-calling)..but when he did it meant a person who was a little bit up themselves. Perhaps something similar to a snake-oil man. But this was in Victoria, so maybe it’s different elsewhere.

  13. Very clever Miglo, LOL!

  14. Miglo..it’s soooo funny that it’s worth a repeat. Hanson/Abbott = the friar (aka frier). Thereby becoming the chip’monk.

    Actually, it must be half way clever because nobody else thought of it 🙂

  15. “the friar”

    Ok, I’ll pay that.

    🙂

  16. Hell’s bells Reb..some prior warning please. Your link titled ‘this link’ then came up with the title ‘Hockey emerges…’.

    However, having overcome a fit of the vapours, from your link:

    Although by a small margin and with very little support, Joe Hockey is favoured..

    And so we have it in a nutshell..very small and very little.

  17. Where’s Dave 55? Apparently JJJ didn’t try hard enough to get the gender balance right. GMAB.

  18. Fielding hasn’t got a clue.

    On lateline tonight they showed him at Al Gore’s latest talk-fest, looking like a stunned mullet. Someone shoved a microphone in his puzzled face and he managed to blurt something-out about how CO2 was a problem, but that he wasn’t sure it was man-made one, or somesuch. (Presumably he goes for the animal flatulence-is-the-source-of-all-our-problems school of thought). Whatever.

    The sad fact is that this nong has a good chance of holding the decisive vote on the Country’s policies on the subject.

    On something else entirely: Anyone else following this latest West Irian shooting?

    It looks to me like the Indo Special Forces have been at work again, just like in the old East Timor days.

    Who else could put 4 bullets into the poor schmuck in a moving car without hitting anyone else inside the vehicle? And the Indonesians would have us believe it was managed by a starving rebel with an old Lee Enfield: Two Pigs Harvey Oswald.

    Not bloody likley.

    No, this one’s got the stink of the Indo Military all over it.

    I reckon it’s Da Boyze in their dinky Indo-pattern camo fatigues putting the frighteners on the Freeport Mine people for a bit of protection payola.

    Its not like these guys don’t have form for this sort of thing. They’re a bunch of crooks from way-back.

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