Friday Footy with Tom!

Well our PM has been out of the country (again) for whistle stop tour of much of the world. He’s shared his important insights on sainthoods, climate change, soccer. Kevin is a true renaissance man.

In preparation for the trip the VIP hosties completed an advanced “customer service” course (“tactics on handling unreasonable, demanding, hungry and angry VIPs”). Caterers refreshed the VIP menu (actually KFC is now providing the meals).

The VIP stock of hair dryers and backup hair dryers were checked and rechecked, all working to the level of performance required for VIP hair. We hope our PM returns from a happy, well fed and nicely coiffed world tour.

Acting PM Julia had to restrain herself from announcing a “Medicare Platinum Plus” scheme, just like her “Medicare Gold’ policy, but even better! Sounds great.

The future of the ALP is in good hands.

But on to the more important issues for the nation…

Western Bulldogs v Collingwood

Collingwood are a team of pretenders. They used to represent “working families” (reeeetch!), now they represent the extremes of society. At one end their corporate supporters cavort with Eddie, Tom and Kate. At the other end they hang out with people with names like Kiylliey, Jahyddehn, Khaylienne, Brooklynne and Jett, ie names reserved for the children of second and third generation welfare recipients. Or chosen by current and former Collingwood players for their own children.

Yes, the future Collingwood coach, Bucks, has a boy named “Jett”. Jett Bucks, probably named after Buck Rodgers and Jet Jackson. They are the favourite literary characters for Collingwood supporters – these people only read comics.

High end corporate brown nosers and comic reading boguns – welcome to modern Collingwood.

Dogs to win.

Sydney v Essendon

Knowledge of actual rules is fairly low among Sydney supporters; most conversation between spectators follows something like this –

“Is he allowed to do that?” “yes”

“Are they allowed to do that?” “yes”

“Is he allowed to do that?” “yes”

Repeat by 100 during each game.

Essendon to win. Are they allowed to do that? Yes

Carlton v Richmond

Strange as it may seem, these teams were regarded as powerhouses of the competition a couple of decades ago. Carlton were powerful cheats and criminals, they were run by successive boards that brought their non existent standards of corporate governance to a football club. They cheated to win their last premiership.

The Carlton record of premiership success is tainted by cheating.

Richmond used to win respect far and wide for having such a feral band of supporters. They still have the same feral supporters, but compared to the version from Alberton that visit about Melbourne about every fortnight, Richmond just isn’t the standard bearer these days. This Victorian club has lost the crown of “most feral supporters” to Port.

Come on Tigers, don’t cop it. Fight back, you’re the most feral, RECLAIM YOUR HERITAGE!

Carlton to win, but is anyone interested?

Brisbane v Geelong

Geelong, a club run by one of the most successful green grocers in the country. A true Geelong success story, people in Geelong admire food.

People in Brisbane admire shonky development, go Cats.

Adelaide v Fremantle

Wasn’t it hilarious when Fremantle were beaten last week, after playing so well? Mark Harvey is on the ropes. A thrashing by Adelaide this week will have the President “express his full confidence” in Harvey . He’ll be a goner after that.

Adelaide to give that nail a hammering.

Hawthorn v North Melbourne

Hawthorn is certainly following the traditional Kennett trajectory, quick success followed by enduring and dismal failure. Disappointment and underperformance is the hallmark of President Kennett leadership.

So what’s wrong with Hawthorn? They need a cleanout, so start at the top. Get some dodgy property developer as president, just like the good old days when our hatred of Hawthorn had very little logical justification. Unlike now.

North to do it for their completely unknown coach, and very minor celebrity president.

Melbourne v Port Adelaide

Port beat Brisbane in a surprise, shock, and astonishing upset win last week. Voss should have been dismissed.

Melbourne beat the Eagles last week, for President Jim. Here at Blogocrats Footy Preview, we ask the difficult questions, and my question for President Jim is – “Did you buy a ticket in the MFC stripper raffle of a decade or so ago?” A simple yes or no will do Jim.

Port Adelaide supporters will be smiling after this game and that is an ugly sight – most are missing a few teeth.

West Coast v St Kilda

Fresh from defeat by Melbourne , the Eagles face the rampaging saints. St Kilda should be sponsored by the HMAS Success, such is their collective moral character. Or they should have a team in the NRL.

The NRL player that “defecated” in the hotel corridor recently had to use a dictionary to find out what he’d done. At St Kilda they are educated enough to not require this research.

Saints to win.

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15 Responses

  1. Hello Miglo, I’ve nominated you to provide the Footy preview for next week!!

    Congratulations!!

  2. Tom, nobody was listening.

  3. Dave55,

    Who is Manly playing this weekend ?

    As or me I’m off to WIN Jubilee Oval Sunday afternoon to see who might be foolish enough to turn up to play the Dragons.

    I suspect whoever it might be will be gradually worn down again in the first half and then hammered in the second.

    Now………..I wonder who the Dragons might be playing……………..?

  4. Accordingy to Tom,, the AFL, even the team names after a saint, are so clean this weekhe has to resort to slurs against NRL players to denigrate AFL teams. Lucky for Tom, he is saved from defation concerns by the fact that the slurs are generally true.

    True to form, the NRL came up with the goods this week, we have public drunkedness, nudity and public filth all in one incident (Tom’s aforementioned defecation incident), links to porn kings (with usual link to Cronulla Management) and even drunken officials (although admitedly that was a Super League Ref and not one of our own refs (although given how blind they are on the field one might wonder whether drug and alcohol testing shouldn’t be applied). Anyway, that leads us to this round’s matches which are fewer than usual because of some crap about giving teams a break around origin time. A good chance for a perfect round this week.

    Bunnies v Panthers
    There is only one team that sucks more than the eels at the moment (actually there are 3 teams but I’ll get to them in a bit) and that is the Bunnies. The problem with the bunnies is that they can’t even blame their performance on off field dramas, in fact a bit of a sex scandal, off field boozy punch-up or dodgy CEO deals might be just what they need. The Panthers on the other hand are doing OK or at least enough to beat their Westy mates the eels last week (although it was only the eels whowe know suck so that’s not saying much). I reckopn the Penriff boys will use the oppotunity to come over to homebush to nick a couple of cars and spraypaint some stuff on the way. The rush of playing fotball where a V8 race is run can’t do them any harm either. Along with the 3 2007 Holden Commodores and 4 08 Falcon XR8s they pick up from the car park, I reckon they will take the two points on offer from this match with them as well.

    Knights v Canberra
    Amazing – kick the politicians out of Canberra and the Raiders start to win. Unfortunately for the Raiders they aren’t playing in Canberra this weekend so they will lose (and the trip to Newie will, according to Tony, feel like a week).

    Warriors v Doggies
    The Warriors have been having a shocking time lately. Although they stayed on the Gold Coast for a couple of weeks, the weather was probably shit (it’s in Queensland after all) and they got beaten by the Broncos who have been woeful since SOO1. Fortunately they are at home this week against the doggies who were busted up by Manly on Monday and have lost players left and right to Origin (and about bloody time too), suspension and injury. The Warriors might actually win this one.

    Dragons v Sea Eagles
    What a match this would have been if Origin and Injury hadn’t made this a game of Under 21s. Still, Big Del is playing and it’s always good fun to see the big man in full semi flight. Sorry Walrus but the Peninsula Boys are on fire at the moment and will get the points – just.

    Titans v Eels
    The Eels suck. They put on a great exhibition of try scoring last weekend but left their defensive boots at home. While their opposition did much the same thing, they had better try scoring boots on. The eels will need both sets of boots this weekend but with their salary cap problems I doubt they can afford them. Still, the eels are entertaining, what with their links Porn kings and underworld figures, they will be challenging the Sharks and Roosters as the darlings of News Ltd. The Titans to win against the shoeless eels.

    Bye Teams – Sharks and Roosters
    Why is it that the two darlings of News Ltd both have the week off. Well after Nate Myles’ excellent public behaviour at a Juniors training camp (see earlier comments about nudity, defecation and alcohol) and more juicy gossip about Zappia from the Sharks, the last thing that these two teams need is a week off to let their hair down. Even news Ltd must be hating the fact these teams have the bye this week because the SoO speculation and aftermath should sell a few papers this week (for nostalgia purposes Nth of the border and the lynching purposes sth of it) – what they need is something to sell the papers after the SoO hangover the week after – that’s when these two teams should have had the week off!. If I have to pick a winner out of these two though, I reckon Cronulla will make the headlines next week, probably due to a Brett Seymore indiscretion (even though he doesn’t play for them any more). Greg Bird is still in the mix as well helping sell some DT papers this week and that should carry through next week as well.

    Origin Tip:
    Queensland (as much as I hate to admit it). Barrett’s tackle has given the Maroons a thirst they didn’t need (from a NSW perspective).

  5. Walrus – see tips – it”s going to be a depressing drive home for you 😉

  6. A loss for the Raiders loom. They have flattered themselves over the last couple of weeks. A dose of reality awaits.

  7. Ha Dave55 !

    A mate of mine got the tix earlier in the week and I’d assumed the game was at Jubilee as he and I go see them there or somewhere else in Sydney having only been to Wollongong 3 times since the merger.

    I only just heard on the radio it was at the WIN Stadium at the Gong not the WIN Stadium at Kogarah (which is really Carlton). Thank God for the car radio. I would have fronted up at Kogarah otherwise.

    So now it will be a wonderful long drive home amongst defeathered Eagles supporters.

  8. Go England……….& the Crows.

    Suffer Australian Cricket………& Portscum.

  9. Well the Bunnies played a lot better than I thought they would. Taylor must be wondering where that form was for the first half of the season.

  10. Crows have a season defining month ahead. Playing the Saints next week will be a much better indication of where they’re at than clubbing a non-appearing Freo by 117pts.
    I doubt that they’ll win but they’re in good form & on a 7 game winning streak so it’s the stuff of fantasy but not entirely impossible.

    Good to see Port chooooooke only one week after they were “back”.

    Geelong are looking vulnerable but I imagine they’ll be twice as dangerous when the Crows play them in 3 weeks.

  11. FWIW ToSY, I don’t think Adelaide can win the flag this year either Tony but I’d say they’ll probably exceed expectations.

  12. Even Freo could have beaten Port today!

  13. F1: I think Webber deserves the driver thru.

  14. IATW

    I trust you had a good trip home.

    Your boys played well – I just wish a few (hell any) of the 50/50 calls went our way – not saying Manly would have won if that was the case but pretty sure the scoreline wouldn’t have been as lopsided as it was.

    BTW – very good crowd down there in the Gong. Looked like it was packed.

  15. Dave55, on July 13th, 2009 at 9:49 am Said:

    YEP !

    Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe………..!

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