Friday Frolkyz!!


Good afternoon and welcome to Friday Frolykz – our end of the working week – beginning of the weekend thread!

I have to rush, so this is just a quick post, and Joni has already gone to the pub.

toodle pip!

Friday Footy with Tom!

Well our PM has been out of the country (again) for whistle stop tour of much of the world. He’s shared his important insights on sainthoods, climate change, soccer. Kevin is a true renaissance man.

In preparation for the trip the VIP hosties completed an advanced “customer service” course (“tactics on handling unreasonable, demanding, hungry and angry VIPs”). Caterers refreshed the VIP menu (actually KFC is now providing the meals).

The VIP stock of hair dryers and backup hair dryers were checked and rechecked, all working to the level of performance required for VIP hair. We hope our PM returns from a happy, well fed and nicely coiffed world tour.

Acting PM Julia had to restrain herself from announcing a “Medicare Platinum Plus” scheme, just like her “Medicare Gold’ policy, but even better! Sounds great.

The future of the ALP is in good hands.

But on to the more important issues for the nation…

Western Bulldogs v Collingwood

Collingwood are a team of pretenders. They used to represent “working families” (reeeetch!), now they represent the extremes of society. At one end their corporate supporters cavort with Eddie, Tom and Kate. At the other end they hang out with people with names like Kiylliey, Jahyddehn, Khaylienne, Brooklynne and Jett, ie names reserved for the children of second and third generation welfare recipients. Or chosen by current and former Collingwood players for their own children.

Yes, the future Collingwood coach, Bucks, has a boy named “Jett”. Jett Bucks, probably named after Buck Rodgers and Jet Jackson. They are the favourite literary characters for Collingwood supporters – these people only read comics.

High end corporate brown nosers and comic reading boguns – welcome to modern Collingwood.

Dogs to win.

Sydney v Essendon

Knowledge of actual rules is fairly low among Sydney supporters; most conversation between spectators follows something like this –

“Is he allowed to do that?” “yes”

“Are they allowed to do that?” “yes”

“Is he allowed to do that?” “yes”

Repeat by 100 during each game.

Essendon to win. Are they allowed to do that? Yes

Carlton v Richmond

Strange as it may seem, these teams were regarded as powerhouses of the competition a couple of decades ago. Carlton were powerful cheats and criminals, they were run by successive boards that brought their non existent standards of corporate governance to a football club. They cheated to win their last premiership.

The Carlton record of premiership success is tainted by cheating.

Richmond used to win respect far and wide for having such a feral band of supporters. They still have the same feral supporters, but compared to the version from Alberton that visit about Melbourne about every fortnight, Richmond just isn’t the standard bearer these days. This Victorian club has lost the crown of “most feral supporters” to Port.

Come on Tigers, don’t cop it. Fight back, you’re the most feral, RECLAIM YOUR HERITAGE!

Carlton to win, but is anyone interested?

Brisbane v Geelong

Geelong, a club run by one of the most successful green grocers in the country. A true Geelong success story, people in Geelong admire food.

People in Brisbane admire shonky development, go Cats.

Adelaide v Fremantle

Wasn’t it hilarious when Fremantle were beaten last week, after playing so well? Mark Harvey is on the ropes. A thrashing by Adelaide this week will have the President “express his full confidence” in Harvey . He’ll be a goner after that.

Adelaide to give that nail a hammering.

Hawthorn v North Melbourne

Hawthorn is certainly following the traditional Kennett trajectory, quick success followed by enduring and dismal failure. Disappointment and underperformance is the hallmark of President Kennett leadership.

So what’s wrong with Hawthorn? They need a cleanout, so start at the top. Get some dodgy property developer as president, just like the good old days when our hatred of Hawthorn had very little logical justification. Unlike now.

North to do it for their completely unknown coach, and very minor celebrity president.

Melbourne v Port Adelaide

Port beat Brisbane in a surprise, shock, and astonishing upset win last week. Voss should have been dismissed.

Melbourne beat the Eagles last week, for President Jim. Here at Blogocrats Footy Preview, we ask the difficult questions, and my question for President Jim is – “Did you buy a ticket in the MFC stripper raffle of a decade or so ago?” A simple yes or no will do Jim.

Port Adelaide supporters will be smiling after this game and that is an ugly sight – most are missing a few teeth.

West Coast v St Kilda

Fresh from defeat by Melbourne , the Eagles face the rampaging saints. St Kilda should be sponsored by the HMAS Success, such is their collective moral character. Or they should have a team in the NRL.

The NRL player that “defecated” in the hotel corridor recently had to use a dictionary to find out what he’d done. At St Kilda they are educated enough to not require this research.

Saints to win.

Kevin on a mission from Heaven

Not only is the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, on an international mission to save the world from the perils of global warming, sorry climate change, he’s also on a mission from God to make sure that the Pope considers Australia’s very own Mother Mary MacKillop as a strong candidate for eternal afterlife stardom as a Saint. (Not to be confused with the Roger Moore show of the same name).

Apparently, Sainthood is a bit like the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, except it’s for Catholics.

Although she’s already dead, which is a prerequisite for membership anyway, MacKillop is rapidly shoring up the odds as the leading contender for Sainthood after she passed first base of being “beatified*” (whatever the hell that means) by Pope John Paul the second in 1995.

Bookies are now placing MacKillop as the clear front runner in the race for the Saint hood title, particularly after Pope Benedict, also affectionately known as “The Rottweiler” due to his friendly, affable nature, made a crash visit to MacKillop’s tomb during his multi-million tax-payer funded jaunt to Australia last year.

The PM met the pontiff in the ornate, yet modestly appointed Palazzo Apostolico, the “papal apartment pad,” also known as “the pap.”

The two men spoke quietly for a period, and then faster than you can say “saints preserve us,” Mr Rudd whipped out a case of Australian wines specifically selected for the pontiff.

Consisting of sickly sweet insipid dessert wines with a bitter after taste, the thought seemed lost on the pontiff but he was grateful nonetheless.

The wines were in an exquisitely presented handmade box made from rare Australian timber with an embossed image of Mary MacKillop giving the two thumbs up symbol.

Pope Benedict returned the favour, and gave Mr Rudd a signed copy of his most recent encyclical, which calls for greater understanding and compassion for humanity called “Why I still hate fags and condoms.”

Mr Rudd said he believed the encyclical was a “good document” and the pontiff’s call for a greater balance between the selfish needs of people and the rights of the church to discriminate against others required serious consideration.

The pontiff also gave Mr Rudd a pen in the shape of an altar boy in St Peter’s Basilica.

Bending over to collect the pen Mr Rudd said “And this is our motion I gave to our Parliament when I said sorry to the Aboriginal people.”

“You should think of us when you are here in the Vatican on a warm summer’s night” said Mr Rudd. “I certainly shall” replied the pontiff.

Following their discussions, Vatican officials took Mr Rudd on a private tour of Pope John Paul’s “Grotto” which shouldn’t be confused with the seedy shell-encrusted “Grotto” next to the gay sauna “Ken’s” in Kensington, Sydney, which featured prominently in the television series “Underbelly.”

The blood visibly drained from the pontiff’s face as Mr Rudd tried to explain the location of Sydney’s own “Grotto.” But it seemed as though Sydney’s Grotto was already familiar turf for the pontiff and Mr Rudd’s time was up.

On that note, a dozen bishops suddenly appeared as if from nowhere and ushered Mr Rudd from the building.

*Apparently, it has nothing to do with botox or cosmetic surgery.