Friday Footy with Tom!

What a week!

Incredibly we’ve had both Julia Gillard and Malcolm Turnbull in Iraq ! That should be evidence enough to the Iraqi people that democracy is hardly worth all the effort.

Locals were heard go comment – “Apparently Australians allow these people to run their country, perhaps the handing control over the mullahs isn’t such a bad idea.”

Did everyone see Julia in her bivouac gear? I think a burqua may have been more fetching.

There are some footy games…

Collingwood v Essendon

How on earth can Essendon consider themselves to be one of the major clubs, when they don’t even have a celebrity president? Essendon deserve more than some unknown non entity. Take the example of Collingwood, their president is a fully known, celebrity, non entity.

Essendon should be up there with Hawthorn with a prominent president. A former politician! And who is a most prominent Essendon supporter?

Finally, here at Blogocrats Footy Preview, we have come up with the ideal job for our illustrious former Treasurer – Peter “I cooda been the champ!” Costello. Finally he can take on a position that will allow him to make a great contribution to our civilised society.

He can become the president of Essendon, and then he could put them out of business.

Collingwood to win.

Melbourne v Eagles

Name 3 Melbourne players. I can’t either.

At least we remember the Eagles players, they’re always fighting and getting arrested, they make the news, just as footy players should in the most isolated city in the world.

Here in Melbourne we have nightclubs, as distinct from bikie hangouts, the Eagles players are likely to be well primed (but complacent) for a game against the pathetic Demons. It won’t matter. Eagles by about 15 goals.

(Even I’m not tasteless enough to make a comment about the Melbourne president.)

Port v Brisbane

Port has reappointed Williams as coach. This is enough to guarantee their defeat, and confirm their enduring commitment to on and off field failure. Brisbane to confirm Port’s stupid, dim witted mistake by thrashing them.

For more gratuitous insulting of Port, please refer to commentary in the Sydney v North review.

Richmond v Adelaide

The new coach at Richmond is certainly putting some discipline into the club! He’s not yet been spat at by the supporters. How’s that for a new club culture at Tigerland? It needs to be acknowledged though, that this situation is likely to change this week.

Benny Cousins is in great form. His addiction problem was all in his mind! How odd. The Tigers club doctors have given him a type of placebo – washing powder. The foaming nostrils are an indication that he’s committed to his program.

Tigers have to loose because “Jade” is a name suitable only for the full forward at Nimbin or Byron Bay , it just doesn’t cut it for an AFL coach.

Unfortunately Adelaide seems destined to win.

Western Bulldogs v Hawthorn

At the pregame lunch, Bulldog president, David Smorgon should spit in the soup of his Hawthorn counterpart –President Kennett, though dogs fans will agree that this is a waste of good spit.

This game is the clash of cultures. Footscray people are welfare cheats and dole bludgers, Hawthorn supporters are tax cheats. Hawthorn people get pissed on chardonnay. The dogs are just always pissed, or about to become so. Hawthorn people drive leased Audis and BMWs that they can’t afford and are about to be repossessed. Dogs supporters are more likely to do the panel beating on them.

Hawthorn people have a very high rate of debt default, Bulldogs supporters don’t even have enough to qualify for debt in the first place. It all goes into poker machines.

Dogs by a few goals.

Sydney v North

Barry Hall is good for football; people don’t want to watch skill and spectacular marking. We want random acts of violence, and this is what Hall does best.

Barry is likely to play for Port next year; he belongs in a town where raw physical brutality is appreciated, some say compulsory. He would though need some additional tattoos and grow a bit of a mullet – bald with a tuft of hair at the collar. He’ll be appointed captain of Port if he gets the hair style right.

Sydney to win.

Fremantle v Carlton

So Carlton has finally decided to shun John Elliott!

This should’ve happened years ago, though if the standard for Carlton membership becomes something like – “no concealing of criminal activity is allowed” – we can expect that the only people that will be entitled to Carlton membership in future will also be eligible to play in their little league team.

Carlton are going downhill fast, so Freo to win.

St Kilda v Geelong

The clash of the year! Hardly. This game is overrated, because St Kilda isn’t really very good. They’re posers and front runners.

In the context of Carlton shunning Elliott we should remind everyone of the behaviour of St Kilda’s Milne and Montagna a few years ago. The recent history of St Kilda appears to have close parallels with that concealed by Carlton a decade or 2 ago.

St Kilda may have won 13 in a row, but Geelong will thrash them.

My tip is that the saints will loose about half their games from here on, and go out of the finals in straight sets. That will be good for football.

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65 Responses

  1. Tom,

    Washed-up has beens usually end up at the Crows. It’s good corporate strategy. It brings in the fans and thus brings in the money. But it doesn’t count in September.

  2. If washed up has beens all end up at the Crows miglo then why did Josh Carr take a detour back towards the scum?

    Great work again Tom, I agree with all of your tips except for picking Freo (this is the cardinal sin in football tipping).

    I had been wondering at the foamy nostrils of Mr. Cousins, I should’ve known ’twas because he’s been chopping OMO on a mirror as part of his reintegration.

    Perhaps you’d like to throw your hat back into other comments? the Mayor has been maneuvring for some of your special treatment of late.

  3. You’re right about Carey, Tony Hall & Gary Ayres miglo but I can’t think of any others. Care to elaborate?

  4. Hum D, Josh Carr isn’t quite finished. When he’s in his 30s he’ll probably end up with the Crows.

  5. Ian Downsborough, Rhett Biglands, Ronnie Burns.

  6. And you’ll probably snap up the Cornes brothers when they’re no longer usefull to Port.

  7. Had a wonderful week with kids home..daughter in law mention that her cousin Toby is on a football scholarship at the indigenous school in Adelaide..other cousin is Anthony Corrie. I think that it was Ross (something or another High School???..bug*r my hearing..and yes I have promised to go back to the specialist for a hearing-aid..sigh..). Miglo, what might this be? Or did I mis-hear?

  8. Nice work Tom. But you missed the gos that Elliott was actually interviewed by Police as well after his little TV spiel. Some would also say that him being shunned by Carlton isn’t actually a punishment, unfortunalty he might have to switch affiliations to another team now and unfortunately for them, that would be a punshment.

  9. Min, you might be thinking of Rostrevor. An elite area. Many rich Italians dwell there.

  10. Dave 5, the Crows would welcome John Elliot with open arms. They are a safe haven for criminal types.

  11. OK I’ll pay Ronnie Burns but Ian Who???

    “And you’ll probably snap up the Cornes brothers when they’re no longer usefull to Port”

    That would be any week now then…but we don’t want them. Chad is broken down & Kane is no oil painting.

    PS, Burton may well fall into your hasbeen category if he ever makes a return…sigh.

    More importantly, are you picking Port this week? a bit of a hard one to call I reckon. No hope if they weren’t at home but they are so may do OK. I wouldn’t bet my life on it though.

  12. Min I reckon Corrie plays for Brisbane Lions? Hopefully he kicks about 15 goals against Port this weekend (if he’s playing).

  13. HD this is the first time all year that I’ve tipped differently in seperate comps. Yep, it’s the Port game.

    Half of me says that they are a rabble, while the other half says that they can play good footy on their day.

    Choco has his work cut out over the next couple of years.

    BTW, Jedda and I weren’t overly excited that he was reappointed, but it’s happened and we’ll go along with it.

    Now, where’s the sauce bottle.

  14. The other half of you is right….*begrudging praise for Portscum*.

    I think they’re a real chance this week but I sure hope I’m wrong about that.
    Injuries is what’s ruined ’em recently; being a rabble has never hurt them in the past.

  15. HD..Corrie (son’s partner’s cousin) used to play with the Lions and is now with Collingwood and is playing with the seconds. A number of knee problems and at 25yrs it’s not hopeful that he will be able to make a comeback.

  16. Dave55’s NRL tips for Round 17

    Ah what a week, just when you think things are settling down after a week without controversies, the players once again knock back a couple of schooners and do something which helps News Ltd sell more papers. As usual, it is the Roosters and the Sharks which come up with the goods although the coaches and CEOs are pretty well behaved this week.

    Brisbane v Warriors
    What is it with Qlders trotting out retirees to do the heavly lifting. It was Langer a few years ago for Origin and now the Broncos have done it with one Tony Carroll. While it will be great to see the big man back, one can’t help but think he will be just that little bit bigger than he was 10 mths ago when the Storm knocked them out of the finals and that he’s going to find it hard work carrying that extra ‘form’ around the field. Still, given the Bronco’s have lost more games in the last 4 weeks than the Roosters, they need to try something. Not that the Warriors have been all that flash over the past few weeks either but thay have won at least a couple of games in that time.
    The big factor in this match though is that the Bronco’s are playing in special flouro yello jerseys for some probably good cause affiliated with Lance Armstrong (WTF?). Still, with a one balled champion cyclist and an aging heror on your side (one metaphorically and the other less so), I simply can’t see the Bronco’s getting beaten for the 5th time in a row.

    Dragons v Roosters
    The Roosters got their first win of the season (or so it seemed it was that long since their last win) last week but it was only over the Sharks who were playing with the liability known as Paul Gallen. Still, a win is a win and the Roosters went out and celbrated in the way theat they know best (or at least that they remember from the distant past) and got into a fight, puched a girl etc etc. I would say that commenting isn’t appropriate because charges have been laid but if that was the case there would be nothing to say each week when reporting on RL.
    FoootyTAB havegiven the Roosters a 12.5 pt start – I recon that’s nowhere near enough but I don’t think they go any higher than that. Go big Dell.

    Cowboys v Sharks
    Oh the Sharks, the gift that just keeps giving for News Limited. Seriously, if it wasn’t for the Sharks, the Daily Tele in Sydney would be about 2 pages each week and 1 1/2 of those would be filled up by drivel from Milne and Ackerman and reporduction of fake emails. The other 1/2 a page is the ‘personal’ ads. Not sure who else the Sharks have that they can sack after Seymore got the boot this week. I reckon it’s just to free up the cap to get Lote into the team. Given Lote’s recent offield history (because let’s face it, he hasn’t done anything on the field), he should fit right in down there in the Shire and may actually be overqualified to be a Shark.

    I’ve also noticed that turmoil at the Sharks at Board level equates to winning while palyer level problems means they lose. Seymore’s indiscretions only bode well for the Cowboys who were always going to win – only the margin was in doubt. 20 pts, 30 pts anyonne?

    Bunnies v Tigers
    Bunnies go into this with 1 point from their last 5 outings. The Tigers go one better – they have 2. Both suck this year and like the Roosters v Sharks match last week, only a sadomasochist would watch this game. Expect to see lots of empty seats at the Homebush white elephant if you do catch any of this game. It doesn’t matter who really wins this game because they are only battling with the Roosters and Sharks to avoid the wooden spoon. I’m tipping the Bunnies to win but only because the coin landed that way – quite frankkly, I don’t give a S#1t who wins this one. The only thing that would make this game interesting is if Crowe and Alan Jones got into a bif on the sideline.

    Storm v Knight
    I don’t like the Storm and I live in Newie. This means bugger all when it comes to tipping though. Deity only knows how the Storm lost to Canberra last week – probably some hangover from ute gate in the air – who knows – they won’t lose this week.

    Panthers v Eels.
    I don’t care that the Eels beat the Bronco’s last week – they still suck. Panthers to win.

    Raiders v Titans
    Don’t know how the Raiders won last week – it won’t happen this week. Rodgers is out in sympathy this week for his old mate Lote but it won’t make a lick of difference to the result. Titans by about 20.

    The Mighty Sea Eagles v Doggies
    Finally, a game worthh writing about. Should be the game of the round – unfortunately it is on Monday night when no-one watches it. Last time these two played, the Doggies had the advantage of Brett Stewart being suspended for some alleged off field indiscretion involving some 17 year old and the rest of the team (except for Kite who’s a god botherer) were hungover from their season launch.

    The doggies might be saying goodbye to El Masi at the end of this season but I reckon it’s only to make them look more interesting and inprove news limited ciirculation in the Lakemba area. They have had no offseason indiscretions that I can think of, their coach is assured of his job and their Board isn’t tearing itself apart. BORING. You know it is a wierd year when the Daily Tele sells more papers on the Peninsula than it does in Bankstown. Manly to win if only because they have been more interesting this year.

  17. Speaking of Burton, Hum D, I completed the Advertiser online AFL questionnaire and one of the questions was: “Who is the most annoying AFL player?”

    Without hesitation, I named Burton.

    Other questions included:

    “Who is the most annoying AFL coach?” Neil Craig

    “Who is the worst AFL coach?” Mark Harvey.

    “Who is the best AFL coach?” Matthew Knight.

    I like the way Essendon play and I believe that Knights gets the best out of an average playing group.

  18. You must have forgotten about duuuh Brogan & Motlop when you were choosing the most annoying player?

  19. Hum D, my computer is programmed to default straight to Bret Burton for such questions.

    I can see how supporters from other teams would find Brogan annoying. Motlop too, but because of his brilliance.

  20. Same applies to Burton.

  21. With Motlop it’s not just the brilliance it’s the ego & the sulking which he frequently indulges in.

  22. Burton is a Fruchoc.

  23. HD and Miglo – what language are you speaking? What kind of sport has people with names like ‘Moltop’ and ‘Brogan’ playing it :mrgreen:

  24. Dave, I had no idea what HD was on about. I just went along with him out of pure courtesy.

  25. You’re right dave, they are the names of the Port subspecies.
    Unfortunate I know, but don’t feel sorry for them.
    They have 100 years of depraved tradition to live up to.

    The sport in question is quite good to watch & involves athletic ability & skill but most of the players have correctly proportioned necks & normal ears so you may not like it.

  26. It says Friday Footy WITH TOM.

    I demand to see Tom!

  27. Some other strange names you may ponder about dave55…

    Fos
    Choco…also known as choke-O
    Wanganeen
    Alipate
    Tredrea

    etc. etc.

  28. HD

    but most of the players have correctly proportioned necks & normal ears so you may not like it.

    LOL – that’s rugby, more so than League these days. At any rate, I don’t watch it because of what the players look like. Women’s hockey on the other hand …

    I actually quite like AFL – esp live at the game. League is better than AFL on TV though IMO.

  29. HD
    Madness. If players had real names like that in League they would never get a start (unless they are NZ or islander and then only if their name sounds kinda cool: like Fuifui Moimoi (Pronounced Fooey Fooey Moy Moy).

  30. Dave you should try (no pun intended) netball – bouncy little skirts – right up your whatsit by the sound of it!

  31. Don’t know much about League to be honest. Looks like you could get pulverised playing it hence the preference for not having necks I guess.

    Re AFL, Sydney’s full forward is a pretty decent boxer for a footballer.

    All forms of rugby appear to be far superior to US “football” which wraps its players in body armor, the poor dears.

    Most live sport (live in the flesh) is good to watch.

    I like The World Game a lot.

  32. TB is right about the netball!

  33. Miglo..don’t be obtuse (hugs) it’s the Ross something or another indigenous high school in Adelaide.

    As an aside, for HD.. Hum D is excellent reminds me of my old dad’s saying, A hum dinger (meaning excellent).

  34. Or Humpty Dumpty.

  35. or hum drum.

    Of course toiletboss was much harder to interfere with.

  36. Holy Crap! I think I just worked out how to do a smiley!

    🙂 😦 :0 😦

    Slave no more!

  37. Holy Crap! I think I just worked out how to do a smiley!

    🙂 😦 :0 😦

    Slave no more!
    OH! You’re my new favorite blogger fyi

  38. Its interesting to ses Port take the Iraq option with Choco. Having been responsible for destroying the club he now insists he is the best person to rebuild it.

    I predict the players will form armed popular resistance movement against the Choco re-appointment. This will be easy at Albertonm since weapons are freely traded at the club bar.

    Rostrevor College – Norwood used to recruit all the best SA juniours by bribing their parents via paying the School fees at Rostrevor.

    Consequently Norwood had near unbeatable Under-17’s squad and Rostrevor were a school superpower (except when playing theeven more mind-bogglingly wealthy St. Peters).

  39. Hi bara,

    I played with Blackwood for 9 years, starting off as a fast leading, high leaping full forward until it was decided that I’d make a good thug at centre half back.

    We were a working class club in those days, even though we were zoned to Sturt.

  40. Maybe we should rename this thread to “Friday footy without Tom”.

  41. BRONCOS!

  42. I take it they won, TB.

  43. Insightful as always, Migs …

    Stunning second half!

    Corse they bloody won!

    Have a confession to make though – I watched Trial and Tribulation and recorded the game … the wonders of modern technology!

  44. That headbutt/knockout in the Broncos match, each replay just looked worse. ooch

  45. And C’arn the Pies!!

  46. or ouch

  47. Ooch being the Scottish…

  48. Hexx, on July 4th, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    It sure did, Hexx, but at least it was legitimate and an “accident”, didn’t look intentional … – not like the @r$hole hit on Greg Inglis in the State of Origin …

    … but we’ve lost Folou – broken ankle six weeks to heal, six weeks to rehab, couple of “careful” games – not much from him for the remainder of the season … sad for him and for the BRONCOS … and third SoO …

  49. Life is sometimes full of difficult choices such as whose team does one want to lose..the most.

    Port versus Brisbane. Port the winner.

  50. Port WAS the winer.

  51. I mean winner.

  52. Agree it was a total accident that headbutt.

    I think with all the new players in the broncos and they have got a few loosing games out of the way, they are going to be a hell of a force later.

  53. Mig,

    I was a devestating Ruck Rover and played for Adelaide Uni in the Amateur League. I spent three out of four Saturday afternoons driving to various locations in Greater Port Adelaide e.g Kilburn, Semaphore, Riverside to play random assortments of chain-smoking hungover ex-Bikies. I remember my first game as a shiny 17 year old. The bloke I was standing was so hungover he was clincially dead.

    Played against some wonderful teams e.g Port Adelaide Presbyterian, whose members never showed much inclination to discuss the finer points of Calvinism; Alberton United – who would frequently waylay the umpire in the chagerooms to discuss the free kick count; Taperoo – Took so long to drive there I needed two sleeps; Kilburn whose games were attended by squadrons of ZZ Top look-alikes and harems of de-factos.

    Seriously – there are a LOT of footy teams in the Port District.

    – Barra

  54. Miglo, on July 3rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm Said:

    “Burton is a Fruchoc.”

    Wash your mouth out with soap. migs!!!! How could you put yummy, magnificent fruchocs in the same sentence as that tingle Burton?

    And a giant BUGGER!, TB. I knew I’d forgotten something last night, but why did it have to be Trial and Retribution?

    Folou…sounds like a good name for one of ToM’s mistresses.

    Miglo, eldest son went to the match and was very happy with them. Confirmed that the Rodster played a blinder along with Pearcey.

    And speaking of tingles, we’re playing them next week, aren’t we?

  55. Jane, I only called Burton a Fruchoc becasue Hum D doesn’t like those yummy little things. Other than that, you’re right, they’re not on equal standing.

    We play a rampant Melbourne next week, then the Eagles, and then the posy fruit-tingles.

  56. “I don’t care that the Eels beat the Bronco’s last week – they still suck. Panthers to win..”
    Eels devoted are known for being assuage, so I won’t tell you to get f%&$d..

  57. HD,

    Congratulations on the win, but they won’t be winning any premierships this year if that’s all the Crows have got to offer.

  58. Tony, good to see someone tell the truth about the Crows. If you were to believe the Adelaide Advertiser they are the hot premiership favourites. If you were the believe the fans they are the greatest team of the last decade.

  59. Miglo – “Maybe we should rename this thread to “Friday footy without Tom”.”

    Yes Miglo, I note that my high brow comments on football go over the heads of most. Perhaps if the preview was a little more basic, dumbed down, more accessible to the ignorant…

    Perhaps if you would take up the mantle?

  60. Nah Tom, you do a good job. My comment was designed to encourage a rare appearance from your good self.

    Good to hear from you BTW.

  61. BREAKING NEWS!

    Federal Court Ruling from the Courier Mail, Australia:

    A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

    The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents. The judge initially awarded custody to his
    aunt, in keeping with the child custody principles that family unity be maintained where possible.

    The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents. He adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

    After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was
    apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

    Temporary custody was granted to the New South Wales State of Origin team, whom the boy said were not capable of beating anyone.

    QUEENSLANDER! Hehe!

  62. Miglo, on July 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm Said:

    “Jane, I only called Burton a Fruchoc becasue Hum D doesn’t like those yummy little things. Other than that, you’re right, they’re not on equal standing.”

    Sorry, migs. I should never have doubted you. Exits stage left, bowing and overwhelmed by the potent imagery invoked by the Master.

    ToM, good to see you haven’t lost your rapier wit. How are Fifi, Mimi, Lulu, Froufrou and Zsa Zsa?

  63. As a juxtapose, probably better to use a thug, rather than..;)

  64. Hey Lang – to reiterate my comments on Friday – the Eels suck! (good in attack buy even worse than the Panthers in defence).

    And to rub it in … Go Manly!

  65. Barry Hall just quit the Swans. I wonder if any other club will take him. Most likely the Crows will. After all, he fills the selection criteria.

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