Friday Footy with Tom!

Footy Preview Round 13

Well what a week!

Michael Jackson is apparently unavailable to play at the Grand Final, so it will have to be the Seekers. I thought he’d been dead for years. Nice complexion.

If Michael Jackson was a football supporter, I think he’d support Carlton , for the reasons outlined in the hard hitting match review below.

All umpiring has again been a contentious issue across the board. Claims of bias and unfairness have flow thick and fast. And usually more thick than fast.

And who’d have though politicians would spend the week behaving like politicians, ie just like low life, self seeking grubs, who would prefer to indulge themselves in complete bull$#it, as long as it is all at our expense.

Democracy at its best.

Why on earth does Kev need a free ute? I’d have thought his recently and significantly deflated wife could afford to chop the back off a series 7 BMW!

Last week James reminded us that he’d tipped Port Adelaide to be a hopeless team this year. This week I am seeking to ensure that I’m soon able to make a similar claim, whoever turns out to be the dudest team.

Essendon v Carlton

In the rich tradition of Carlton , former president and owner of the Liberal Party, John Elliott this week owned up that he protected criminals within his club – rapists. What an outstanding contribution to public life this man has made.

Carlton must have a higher allocation of criminals than any other club. Former coaches, a couple of presidents, current players, past players. Fev. Remember when John Doratich was arrested for exposing his buttocks?

And Menzies and Fraser are former number 1 ticket holders.

The entire club should be arrested.

The place is poison. And yet they are still up themselves! The Carlton hierarchy are full of so much hot air, there ought to be a CPRS scheme specifically for them.

People that are new to football are always surprised to learn that there was a time that we were interested in the result of a game between these traditional clubs, Essendon & Carlton.


Wake me up when it’s over. I think Carlton are over rated. I also think Essendon are over rated.

In this game it is a pity there has to be a result. My tip is Essendon 1.15, Carlton 0.12. This will be a game that will bore supporters of both clubs, and one that should undermine any remaining corporate sponsorship for either club, hopefully Carlton will never recover.

The West Sydney Blues, and remember where you heard it first!

Eagles v Hawthorn

This is a big game.

I understand that the Eagles are intending to emulate the Hawthorn board structure.

Just like Hawthorn, the Eagles intend to appoint a former politician as President. Yes, Brian Bourke is set to take over.

Attendance at the snout in the trough pregame lunches will be compulsory for those wishing to remain in business. Some big, tattooed bald blokes will make up the fund raising committees. Best just pay up and don’t ask any annoying questions.

Bourke’s offsider, Julian Grills will be “Director of Umpire Liaison”, which means he has a discussion with the umpires, before each game.

“We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way” will be his friendly introduction. The consequence of this streamlined administration means that instant success will follow, without the tediousness of getting some new players and rebuilding.

The Eagles will get about 9 goals from free kicks and win easily.

But with regard to actual players, West Coast is the most hopeless team in the competition

Geelong v Port Adelaide

Port is the most hopeless team in the competition, hoons, criminals and tax dodging slumlords seem to make up much of their supporter base. And that’s just one person who doesn’t even live in Adelaide !

Their support base is low because of the Australian legal process, most Port supporters have orders against them preventing “consorting with known criminals”.

How on earth can you get their supporters to a game with that type of restriction?

No wonder they are in strife.

Geelong put the nail in Williams coaching coffin.

Collingwood v Fremantle

Fremantle is the most hopeless team in the competition.

But Collingwood supporters think a dual trade is breaking AND entering.

Collingwood to win.

Adelaide v Sydney

Snowtown/Truro United FC sometimes show glimpses of their true ability. That’s when they play hopelessly.

Sydney need a former politician as a President. I think Bob Hawke, with the ever lovely Blanche.

Hawke would reinstitute all the traditional Sydney the crowd pleasers; he’d have the dancing girls return. He would be inclined to select them personally, 2 or 3 at a time.

Sydney will win easily.

Brisbane v Melbourne

Melbourne is the most hopeless team in the competition. What is there to say? Send them to the Gold Coast.

Brisbane by about 15 goals.

North Melbourne v Dogs

North want Bucks as coach! The club that brought us the Wayne Carey/Kellie Stevens imbroglio wants Mrs Bucks around the club rooms.

They should have learnt their lesson by now!

North is the most hopeless team in the competition. Dogs by about 10 goals.

St Kilda v Richmond

Richmond is the most hopeless team in the competition.

St Kilda will be in cruise control, ready for a big party after the game!

28 Responses

  1. Welcome back Tom.

  2. Tom’s back? Maybe Micheal Jackson’s death is just a rumour?

  3. Tom being back is probably better news.

    I do enjoy the footy part of the cycle.

  4. Hey you have 3 most hopeless sides in the competition. Perhaps they are one of the most hopeless teams. Personally, I vote for Richmand. At least Melbourne are blooding some players and North win a game or two. Although the ladder shows the Demons by a country mile. North are only 2 wins out of the 8.

  5. Tom’s not that conservative david – he’s got 6 teams as the most hopeless 😆

  6. correct bacchus, bloody work prevented me from reading this properly.

  7. Here goes my NRL tips for this week.

    This week follows the second State of Origin which, if you haven’t realised already from TB of Queensland’s incessant reminders, was won by the Maroons. Fortunately for Manly the Wolfman (he really should have dyed that beard blue for the game)an’t carry his origin form into this week’s matches because Manly have they bye. The other notable mention is that Barrett sitting on the sidelines for a couple of weeks for his selfless (and probably only worthwhile effort in the whole game for NSW) work in taking out Greg “I’m a freak” Inglis”. That shouldn’t worry Cronulla though because they hammered the Bronco’s under 12s last monday without him in the team. Unfortunately there are no sex scandals coming out of last week or the SoO except for reports of a squirel grip by the Wolfman and the fact that the NSW is f#@ked.

    Doggies v Cowboys
    With all th hoo har over the past few weeks about changing CEOs, sex scandals these two teams have somehow evaded the dramas. Both are sitting pretty in the top 8 as well. Of course the Doggies are still dirty that the blues only wanted one of their players in the team and that was only after just about everyone else was ruled out to injury. Morris did bugger all in the game as well, probably because he know’s that it should have been his brother playing and not him. Fortunately for Josh he won’t have to learn how to play as a bench player tonight and can start on the field and show for the whole 80 minutes just why his brother deserved the Origin place more than him. Kimorley will once again play a blinder showing the selectors that he should have been picked over Wallace. This isn’t much of a comparrion though because Wallace is s#1t and everyone agrees he’s better than him. Unfortunately for Kimorley, Thurston is on the other team and will demonstrate that Kimorley really isn’t much chop in comparrison. Cowboys to win on Maroon spirit alone.

    Tigers v Dragons
    Tim sheens said something stupid this morning – that the Tigers couldn’t play their creative game if they wanted to win. Personally this is all the team has got going for it so if they don’t have that they have the proverbial nothing. Unfortunately for the Tigers, they will trust their coach and get beaten – soundly. Cooper will show why he should have been picked for origin. Brett Moriss will again prove to everyone except the selectors that he is a better player than his brother and everyone will be left wondering WTF the Blues selectors were thinking when they picked Barrett over Jamie Soward.

    Gold Coast v Warriors
    Another relatively scandal free game this week. Can’t think of anything clever to say so – Titans to win.

    Rooster v Cronulla
    A top of the ladder clash if the ladder is based on scandal but otherwise simply an exercise in sado masochism for spectators – honestly, you couln’t pay me to watch this game. The Rooster tried something new last week to inspire them but alas their coach’s drunken nudie run couldn’t give them the incentive they needed to get up over the Cowboys under 12s. Freddy and his boys are bound to try something new this week and we can only cringe in anticipation. What can you expect though from a team based in the federral electorate of Wentworth. But not all is lost for the Roosters because they are facing the Sharkes who have really only shown that their off field performace is more enetrtaining this year than their onfield one. They have some good news thopugh this week in that they are only playing the Roosters. The bad news is that Gallen is back for them. I’m still tipping the sharkies though, but only because their off field stuff has been out of the papers for a week or so now and they aren’t based in Wentworth.

    Raiders v Storm
    If Inglis toughens the F@#k up and recovers from his cuddle with Barrett the Storm will win this by about 50 points – if not the marrging will only be about 30. Still, with the winter recess starting in Canberra today, this game will be about the most exciting thing that happens down in the nations capital for about 6 weeks – for everyone except Raider’s fan that is.

    Eels v Brisbane
    The eels suck – even the Roosters and Sharks are playing better than them at the moment – this will become apparent to everybody about 1 minute after 3.00 pm on Sunday.

    Knights v Bunnies
    Mullens will show why he should have worn the No.7 jersey last Wednesday when at the end of Newcaste’s first set of six he shows that he can both pass and kick – two skills more than Wallace demonstrated. Gidley though won’t be much chop because he played so hard on Wednesday it will take him about three weeks to recover. I have no idea how the Bunnies are going although a quick look at the ladder shows they are just out of the 8. That is where they will be at the end of this round as well after Mullen takes them to school.

  8. The eels suck !! ( I beg your pardon).

  9. Dave, did you know that THE MIGHTY MAROONS won the SoO! (…had to laugh, some mob in Brissy is currently offering tickets to the “decider”, as a competition prize!)

    Thanks for reminding me that the Eels are playing the Broncos – my son in law (lives next door) is an Eels fan (as well as any other team that plays Brisbane!). He grew up in Parramatta … emigrated from NZ when he was five … its fun around here when … NZ play Oz or Qld play NSW!

    … and BTW, LM, shall we just say that the Eels are slipping down the table … 😉

  10. “Sydney will win easily.”

    Well initially I thought it must be reb masquerading as some kind of bastardised Tomreb of Melbart but after reading the hopelessly misinformed analysis of the Adelaide V Sydney game I can only assume that Tome ghostwrote this (otherwise excellent) piece of football dissection.

    The Crows should hammer Sydney up the clacker (cloaca). Sorry James.

    As always, most excellent evaluation of the plight of Portscum & their hooncar-driving slumlord supporters.

  11. Well toiletboss, after all the palaver, laid on with a trowel, I thought it considerate to at least post a footy thread and increase the quality of the discussion here.

    Did I mention that I watched Adelaide once, my assessment of their crowd is that there’s a good reason to call them Snowtown/Truro United FC. Though this was before Port joined the comp, so maybe all the criminals and drunks have migrated their support.

  12. Very considerate Tom.

    I think you’re 2nd in the tipping now because a certain hooncar-driver forgot to put in their tips last week.

    Even Bob Hawke couldn’t save Sydney this weekend……….Jeff Kennet, well maybe.

  13. … and BTW, LM, shall we just say that the Eels are slipping down the table:
    Eelducation:That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding…AB.

  14. The two games that matter:

    Adelaide v. Sydney

    Sydney’s hard-tackling, close-checking, 27-man full-oval blanket defence will harass, smother, chase intimidate and spoil Adelaide’s squad of 16 year old school prefects into complete frustration. At half-time Sydney will lead 0.2 to 0.0. After the half-time break the Swans will mysteriously not emerge from their rooms and the Crows will win by forfeit. Subsequent investigations will show the entire Swans team dismembered and stuffed in oil drums in the Footy Park basement. Neil Craig will deny any knowledge. Jared Petrenko will poignantly analyse the matter with the Crows debating and chess squads on National Youth Day televised from The Great Hall, Parliament House, Canberra with Kevin Rud compere

    Geelong v. Port

    Looms as a danger game for the entire competition. If Geelong and Port play to respective levels of commitment the Cats will win by 80 points and Choco will be sacked, thus leaving open the possibility Port will get a new coach and (thus without Choco) improve to the point of competitiveness.

    Bomber Thompson is a forward-thinking coach. He will see the danger and, taking into account that Geelong are four games clear, will sacrifice this one for the greater good of the comp.

    Torp by 17 pts.

    Essendon v. Carlton

    This game has already been played but the Godwin Grech Look-Alike Society, of whom Mark McVeigh is President will launch a HREOC probe into McVeigh’s suspension and succeed based on McVeigh was discriminated against for extreme gnomeiness.

    The game will be replayed on Godwin Grech’s birthday at midnight without lights in Long Bay Prison. The Carlton Criminals will feel at home and get up in a retrospective upset. Carlton by I dunno 798 pts.

    Hope Your Team Wins (with obvious exception)

    – Barra

  15. I lol to this headline from “Before the Game”:

    AFL confident Michael Jackson concert won’t clash with NAB cup final

  16. Tom, I don’t normally contribute to the ‘football’ on this site but because this post is down to thou, I’ll make an exception and add a few observations which may or may not have any connections to this particular ‘game’ but may just have relevance to some wider issues.

    Feeling ‘powerless’ is the norm for oppressed people, and there are any number of those even in ‘democracies’ such as Australia. ‘Individual’ freedom, while fine in the ‘theory’ is meaningless for those who lack ‘avenues’, broadly defined to include ‘knowledge’, the ‘ability to articulate’, the right of ‘appeal’ and so.

    Tis why ‘individuals’ choose to engage in ‘collective action’. Tis why ‘injustice’ is rarely (if ever) overturned on one’s own. In short, it is why ‘unions’ whether they be employer or employee have a promising future. Indeed this ‘collective’ activity orientation even offers hope for Political Parties.

    I imagine you laughed at the suggestions on this site that we have “A PARTY OF INDEPENDENTS” and “NON-IDEOLOGICAL REPRESENTATIVES”.

    If I was religious, I would say – Lord, save us and protect us from .. whoever. LOL.

  17. Bugger – -The eels didn’t suck (or perhaps it is better to say that on Sunday, the Bronco’s sucked even more).

    Did anyone bother to watch the Roosters v Sharks match. Was it as boring as I predicted.

  18. I’ve never ever watched more than 5 mins of NRL dave55 but I’d say that every game over the weekend was probably boring.

  19. Nah Toilethound – the Friday Night games were pretty good.

  20. Toilethound,

    I learned something new today. 😉 (I’d seen it, knew it was Ancient Egyptian, but had no idea what it meant or was called.)

  21. Very astute Tony, although I don’t think I was particularly subtle.

    Gotta keep up a smokescreen over there.

  22. Also, I didn’t know that info about “the Eye”…so I’ve learned something new today also.

  23. Yo, Human Crow, I saw a bit of an NRL game on the big screen at the golf club. One bloke actually ran four metres without getting his neck stretched. Wow! Four metres!

    The crowd of 2000 went beserk.

  24. You worry me sometimes, Migs!

  25. lol, miglo…best comment ever!

    4 metres!!!!!!!!!

    Who wouldn’t go beserk?!


  26. Are you takin’ the Mickey, HD?


  27. Go the Maroons!

  28. Only a little bit TB.

    Don’t much care for the sport but truly glad to see the Queensland martians beat the shit out of the weirdos below their Southern border.

    Seriously……….was very surprised to see the amount of action & interest (read murder) instigated in Papua New Guinea by the SoO win.

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