FROLYKZ!

Hello !!

Good afternoon and welcome to Friday Frolykz – our end of the working week – beginning of the weekend thread.

Well the big news of the week, of course, is that Farrah Fawcett has snuffed it. Coincidentally at about the same time as that lesser known celebrity Michael Jackson. Which once again, and quite rightly, raises the question “Is this a government cover up?”

Frankly, I think not, but there are remarkable similarities which could indicate otherwise. For one thing they both looked old and scraggy and enjoyed quaffing back ketamine with Michael’s favourite party tipple “Jesus Juice.”
Therefore, it would be quite logical and perfectly reasonable to reach the conclusion that Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett were indeed one and the same person. For one thing, they were never seen on stage together and they both had interchangeable wigs.

But of course this is a preposterous idea, as we all know that Michael Jackson was also in fact Elizabeth Taylor and Bette Davis at the same time. Which is quite an accomplishment in itself when you think about the logistics involved.

A number of bloggers have remarked that Michael’s departure was rather pedestrian and not really suitably sensational enough for an international pop star.

For sure, who wouldn’t want to die in a plane crash, or perish in a burst of flames as your red mustang fails to negotiate a winding road and careers over a hundred foot cliff at two hundred miles an hour.

But sadly, some people are born to simply, collapse dead on the couch, with the remote control casually slipping from their grasp, as they murmur something about “ffuurth fuckkerth” with saliva drooling down their shirt, all the while slowly disintegrating to the closing credits of Home and Away.

And then there’s drowning in a pool of your own vomit. A style of demise that happened to a friend of mine after skulling a bottle Captain Morgan rum. What a gracious way to go, I thought. At least he had the foresight to put himself in the “recovery position” before slipping into unconsciousness, however unfortunately, this wasn’t sufficient to save him. So much for that first aid course they taught us at school, which by the way, I managed to fail.

Another favourite is to die while “on the job” which isn’t, as the name may suggest, dying at your place of employment, but rather dying with your face slumped somewhere on the keyboard between “F” and “C” . Personally I don’t favour this approach, and rather like the idea of being the admiral on a sinking ship shouting to the passengers and crew “Don’t worry about me! Save yourselves! Save yourselves!”

Of course this is a highly unlikely scenario, given that I’m not an admiral, and I don’t own a ship.

So it’s more likely that I’ll simply step of the curb in front of bus while trying to cross the road at half four in the morning, pissed, while looking for a kebab.

Anyway, on that note happy weekend…

UPDATE: Thanks to James of North Melbourne for sending in this pic of him in the bathtub (but it wasn’t really necessary)…

Friday Footy with Tom!

Footy Preview Round 13

Well what a week!

Michael Jackson is apparently unavailable to play at the Grand Final, so it will have to be the Seekers. I thought he’d been dead for years. Nice complexion.

If Michael Jackson was a football supporter, I think he’d support Carlton , for the reasons outlined in the hard hitting match review below.

All umpiring has again been a contentious issue across the board. Claims of bias and unfairness have flow thick and fast. And usually more thick than fast.

And who’d have though politicians would spend the week behaving like politicians, ie just like low life, self seeking grubs, who would prefer to indulge themselves in complete bull$#it, as long as it is all at our expense.

Democracy at its best.

Why on earth does Kev need a free ute? I’d have thought his recently and significantly deflated wife could afford to chop the back off a series 7 BMW!

Last week James reminded us that he’d tipped Port Adelaide to be a hopeless team this year. This week I am seeking to ensure that I’m soon able to make a similar claim, whoever turns out to be the dudest team.

Essendon v Carlton

In the rich tradition of Carlton , former president and owner of the Liberal Party, John Elliott this week owned up that he protected criminals within his club – rapists. What an outstanding contribution to public life this man has made.

Carlton must have a higher allocation of criminals than any other club. Former coaches, a couple of presidents, current players, past players. Fev. Remember when John Doratich was arrested for exposing his buttocks?

And Menzies and Fraser are former number 1 ticket holders.

The entire club should be arrested.

The place is poison. And yet they are still up themselves! The Carlton hierarchy are full of so much hot air, there ought to be a CPRS scheme specifically for them.

People that are new to football are always surprised to learn that there was a time that we were interested in the result of a game between these traditional clubs, Essendon & Carlton.

Yawn.

Wake me up when it’s over. I think Carlton are over rated. I also think Essendon are over rated.

In this game it is a pity there has to be a result. My tip is Essendon 1.15, Carlton 0.12. This will be a game that will bore supporters of both clubs, and one that should undermine any remaining corporate sponsorship for either club, hopefully Carlton will never recover.

The West Sydney Blues, and remember where you heard it first!

Eagles v Hawthorn

This is a big game.

I understand that the Eagles are intending to emulate the Hawthorn board structure.

Just like Hawthorn, the Eagles intend to appoint a former politician as President. Yes, Brian Bourke is set to take over.

Attendance at the snout in the trough pregame lunches will be compulsory for those wishing to remain in business. Some big, tattooed bald blokes will make up the fund raising committees. Best just pay up and don’t ask any annoying questions.

Bourke’s offsider, Julian Grills will be “Director of Umpire Liaison”, which means he has a discussion with the umpires, before each game.

“We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way” will be his friendly introduction. The consequence of this streamlined administration means that instant success will follow, without the tediousness of getting some new players and rebuilding.

The Eagles will get about 9 goals from free kicks and win easily.

But with regard to actual players, West Coast is the most hopeless team in the competition

Geelong v Port Adelaide

Port is the most hopeless team in the competition, hoons, criminals and tax dodging slumlords seem to make up much of their supporter base. And that’s just one person who doesn’t even live in Adelaide !

Their support base is low because of the Australian legal process, most Port supporters have orders against them preventing “consorting with known criminals”.

How on earth can you get their supporters to a game with that type of restriction?

No wonder they are in strife.

Geelong put the nail in Williams coaching coffin.

Collingwood v Fremantle

Fremantle is the most hopeless team in the competition.

But Collingwood supporters think a dual trade is breaking AND entering.

Collingwood to win.

Adelaide v Sydney

Snowtown/Truro United FC sometimes show glimpses of their true ability. That’s when they play hopelessly.

Sydney need a former politician as a President. I think Bob Hawke, with the ever lovely Blanche.

Hawke would reinstitute all the traditional Sydney the crowd pleasers; he’d have the dancing girls return. He would be inclined to select them personally, 2 or 3 at a time.

Sydney will win easily.

Brisbane v Melbourne

Melbourne is the most hopeless team in the competition. What is there to say? Send them to the Gold Coast.

Brisbane by about 15 goals.

North Melbourne v Dogs

North want Bucks as coach! The club that brought us the Wayne Carey/Kellie Stevens imbroglio wants Mrs Bucks around the club rooms.

They should have learnt their lesson by now!

North is the most hopeless team in the competition. Dogs by about 10 goals.

St Kilda v Richmond

Richmond is the most hopeless team in the competition.

St Kilda will be in cruise control, ready for a big party after the game!

Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Jackson's casual look..

Jackson's casual look..

Well it appears that the reports are true.

The self-proclaimed “King of Pop” has hung up the glove for the last time, and has died from a massive heart attack in Los Angeles at the age of 50.

Tributes are flowing in, including my own humble piece penned to the Jackson hit “Bad”…

Because I’m dead, I’m dead.
(dead really, dead)
You know I’m dead, I’m dead –
You know it –
(dead really, dead)
You know I’m dead, I’m dead –
Come on, you know it –
(dead really, dead)
And the whole world wants to know right now
Just to tell you once again,
Who’s dead . . .