What a week!!
Some of us had a technicolour yawn after our PM advised that we should engage (reasonably and justly) in systematic vibration of vessels containing liquid, viscous food flavouring matter (*1)
In answer to a very interesting, but provocative, question from himself, our PM also suggested that the opposition cease and desist from proceeding towards the uncooked seafood crustacean (*2).
The PM sure knows how to connect with us common folk with his use of the Australian vernacular!!
The games this week…
Dogs v Port Adelaide
The Port Adelaide fans set off early this week for Darwin . On Wednesday night they thrashed the pub at Kulgra, had a fight, but amongst themselves, there weren’t enough local misfits to go around. They slept it off in their cars. On Thursday night, following some drinking and fighting, the Port supporters noted that the Alice Springs lock up is quite modern. Everyone agreed that it is better than the one in Alberton.
Arriving in Darwin in time to spend the day at the glamorous Skycity Casino before the game, Port supporters are destined to loose their remaining cash. In Port Adelaide a poker machine is known as a “medium risk retirement plan”.
There will be spike in the rate of violent robbery (known as a “low risk retirement plan”) in Darwin on Saturday afternoon as the Port Power Cheer Squad seek some additional cash. The night will topped off with a good fight at the game, accompanied by plenty of beer. It is just a pity that their team is set to be thrashed by the dogs.
The Port mob will drive straight home. The Stuart Hwy will have the world’s longest wheelie. They will arrive home in time for the 10am Monday listing at the Port magistrate’s court. It’s been a great few days!!
Carlton v St Kilda
This week Fev accepted the advice of our own dinky dye PM, and pointed percy at the police station. Sink the sausage Fev! So many sausages will be sunk that Carlton will win.
Richmond v Eagles
Jade Rawlings is the new tigers coach. Tigers will now go on a winning streak from this game and they’ll just miss the finals. Jade will be appointed as coach next year, but he will get the sack after the tigers loose the first 6 rounds in 2010. Tony Jewell will then be appointed caretaker.
I’m a traditionalist and really looking forward to the continuation of this endless cycle. Tigers to win, to ensure failure next season.
Hawthorn v Brisbane
Hawthorn doctors have reported – it isn’t swine flu, it is only the team throwing up after listening to the motivational speech of President Kennett.
Brisbane is a far better club; they only have Gold Coast property developers and used car salesmen on their board. They’ve never stooped as low as Hawthorn for a front man.
Adelaide v North Melbourne
The sports press aren’t serious these days. They have not given adequate space to attacking Dean Laidley. He is a carcass not a coach, and it is about time these footy “journalists” pointed this out, again and again and again.
Hopefully a thrashing of North by Truro/Snowtown United FC will provide the press with enough ammunition to get off their collective backsides and start doing their job. Attack the coach!
*1 “fair shake of the sauce bottle”
*2 “don’t come the raw prawn”
Tom of Melbourne
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