Friday Footy!

AFL Preview with Tom of Melbourne

It is great news that Terry Wallace has finally been flicked. After relentlessly undermining him, crushing his own confidence and the confidence of others in him, the sports media is now free to talk about what a great and innovative coach he was.

We can also get on with attacking the next proud, former champion footballer that is now trying to coach a team lacking in talent.

Who’s next? Personally, I’m sick of Dean Laidley, it looks like he is gone. Who could blame North for trying to get a coach that can’t string a sentence together. There are other candidates for the block, Mick Malthouse, Mark Harvey, Mark Williams, even that little turd at Hawthorn is a chance (though he doesn’t meet my criteria of being proud or a former champion).

I say – bring on the speculation!! I’d love to see Mark Williams coach Collingwood, after being sacked by Port Adelaide. I’d like to see Graham Cornes back at Port. The players would like to see his wife back around the place too. She’s got a couple of bogan stepsons though.

On other news, apparently Kevin Rudd boycotted a dinner at the Minerals Council during the week.

He did them a big favour. There is nothing like a speech from the PM to spoil an appetite, and those mining execs love food. They’d have been very angry if he’d turned up to the trough and spoiled their appetite for swill.

I think Kevin should become an AFL Pesident at some stage, just like the failed politician Jeff Kennett. Imagine the savings on catering during the Presidents Lunch with Rudd speaking!

I believe Hawthorn already has a special coterie group, one where you can’t hear the president’s speech. It costs much more to join that one, but it is worth it.

This weeks games…

Dogs vs Richmond .

What a sensational win by the Tigers last week. Terry Wallace should have been dismissed on the spot immediately after the game. Now he will have to endure a thrashing by the club he walked out on. Dogs to win, Wallace to go out a loser. Tiger fans will spit at him for old time’s sake, this is a traditional send off from the tiger fans.

North vs St Kilda

North are genetically predisposed towards contracting swine flu. Particularly that @r$ehole that used to be their captain and still plays for them.

Therefore St Kilda to win again.

Brisbane vs Carlton

The problem with Carlton at the moment seems to be that the criminals have lost control. No Elliot, no Pratt. It is now a club that has lost its heritage. And Fev just can’t do it all on his own, no matter how many times he takes a leak under a security camera, or gets a barman in a headlock.

I don’t particularly object to Brisbane when they are playing Carlton , so they should win.

Port vs Fremantle

This game will be played in front of about 4,000 people. Traditionally this is the game with the least amount of interest for the entire season, it is between the runt teams of their respective states. Does it matter who wins? No but it will probably be Fremantle.

Hawthorn vs Sydney

Hawthorn is finished. Any club that predominantly has lawyers and bank managers as the membership base deserves to fail. Top this off with Kennett as president. Tossers. Hawthorn is the new Collingwood, everyone should hate them. The Swans should win easily.

West Coast vs Geelong

Most people in Western Australia have never left the state. We can all be grateful for that. But this is why they think Perth is a pleasant city, they don’t know any better. They have no idea about anything other than digging up their countryside and putting it on a ship to China . They don’t know what it means to have a loyal football club culture. That’s why Daniel Kerr plays for them.

The city of Geelong is mainly populated by bogans and bikies. Though they produce some fair footballers. So Geelong will win.

Melbourne vs Collingwood

The Collingwood fans will be late getting in to this game, they’ll be busy in the car park running keys along the side of the Range Rovers and Mercedes that the Melbourne fans drive. At the 12 minute mark of the 3rd quarter Melbourne people will inspect the damage, because they’ll all be leaving the game by the 10 minute mark, Collingwood will be 15 goals in front by then.

Does anyone care to speculate about the identity of players that have tested positive twice for a banned substance?

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41 Responses

  1. I’d like to see Graham Cornes back at Port.

    Tom, Graham Cornes hates Port with a passion. He was never with Port, however he was the Crow’s coach at one stage.

    Even with his sons playing for Port it is not enough for him to even start trying to like them.

    When asked after the 2004 grand final if he was happy that Port won, he replied: “No. But I’m glad that my sons played in a premiership”.

    He hates Port more than you hate unions. And like you, he never shuts up about it.

  2. “I’d like to see Graham Cornes back at Port”

    Um yeah, what miglo said. I’d only add that Graham is a teetotalling gimp with a trophy wife; he is also, just like his sons, as ugly as a hat full of arseholes.

    Why no preview of the Crows VS Essendon you Victorian pile of excretia?

  3. Aside from being no oil painting & pious Graham is of course dead right about Portscum; they are deplorable.
    But Freo has no chance against ’em this week Tom.

  4. Woops, I must have missed it when looking at the fixture. Unintentional I can assure you Toiletboss. I’d never miss an opportunity to have a crack at the Crows.

    Here’s my eagerly awaited review of a game of NO interest.

    Crows v Essendon

    This is a totally uninspiring game between an artificial “club” and some pretenders that should now fulfil their genuine potential by loosing the next 12 games, finishing about 13th. Good. Any club that fetes both Hird and Sheedy is stuffed.

    Adelaide is the “Molly the Sheep” version of a football club. They’ll win, but what does that prove? It’s only Essendon they’ll beat.

  5. “It is great news that Terry Wallace has finally been flicked. After relentlessly undermining him, crushing his own confidence and the confidence of others in him, the sports media is now free to talk about what a great and innovative coach he was”

    Prescient analysis Tom re the media’s contortions over Wallace.

    I forgot to add before…if Port V Freo gets a crowd of 4000 they’ll be lucky. Especially in light of the woeful form over the last fortnight; even the Port rusted-ons will be shitting themselves about another flailing (fingers & toes crossed).

  6. Miglo – “Tom, Graham Cornes hates Port with a passion. He was never with Port, however he was the Crow’s coach at one stage”

    That’s the problem with you Miglo, you base your comments on facts. You need to get over your obsession with the facts. You should stop bottling up your prejudices.

  7. Tingleboss, Penola could beat Port at the moment.

    This piece is timely:

    http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25591864-421,00.html

  8. …AND IN THE REAL GAME!

    MAROONS WALLOPED THE BLUES!

  9. …AND IN THE REAL GAME!

    MAROONS WALLOPED THE BLUES!

    Tonight’s top game

    Melbourne Storm v Brisbane Broncos

    We’ll still beat Storm even with three (or more) of our “super stars” (all Broncos are STARS!) injured …

    GO BRONCOS!

  10. “Adelaide is the “Molly the Sheep” version of a football club. They’ll win, but what does that prove? It’s only Essendon they’ll beat.”

    Ah, but they beat the reigning premiers (convincingly) last week Tom & the true “Molly Sheep” pretenders Carlton, the week before.

    Still not convinced that they’ll beat the Bombers, although if they play as well as they have for their last 6 out of 8 qtrs they should give it a shake.

    You don’t actually watch the game do you Tom?

  11. …”REAL” game TB? GMAB!

    No-neck-numbskulls.

    Half kidding.

    I do like to see Melbourne teams of all codes lose badly though….so….GO QUEENSLANDER!

    Socceroos to (hopefully) qualify for the World Cup on Sunday. I loves me “football”, the only time you’ll catch me supporting an Australian national team; we’re the underdogs.
    Follow anyone in the EPL TB?

  12. Penola are crap with a capital “C” migsta!

    You must really be concerned about Port eh?!

    Hatred aside, the ‘scum are missing a LOT of quality players & if they were playing anyone but Freo at home this week I reckon we’d be enjoying a bloodbath.

    So if you’re not picking them I guess I’ll be on top of the tipping after this weekend?…cockiness always comes back to haunt me BTW.

  13. I’m an expert on the game Toiletboss.

    Anyone that speaks with bluster and confidence on any issue can consider themselves an expert.

  14. HD, I live in Brisbane! … and finally they’ve woken up to the silly name choice of Queenlsand Roar – these guys (marketing) are professionals? “Lets lock out any other Queensland team” – in a National Comp? – boofheads from the start! …

    … and I confess to being a MU fan since Busby’s Babies died such a tragic death (I was born and bred on’t ‘tother side of Pennines! Leeds was my local team!

  15. Tom of Melbourne, on June 5th, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    Top post ToM!

    We are all experts – BTW I’m usually right!

  16. Well that’s something we have in common TB! I luv the devils. A bit sad really as a lot of their success is due to kaching $.
    But they’re awesome to watch when they’re on!

    Will Tevez stay? I fkn hope so. Likewise Ronaldo, very cocky but gifted beyond human performance.

    The Champions League final last week was disappointing but I like Barcelona too & they were kinda the sentimental favourites.

    Surprisingly Adelaide United have made a pretty good fist of it in the A-League.

  17. It is quite unusual that a footy wife would consider the comments of Mick Malloy an insult. For most WAGs this is a compliment. Who does Mrs Cornes think she is?

    As I’ve pointed out previously Leanne is the ideal WAG, even though she was married to the owner.

    http://www.theage.com.au/ftimages/2007/09/14/1189276957577.html

  18. Mrs Cornes was the dumbest piece of political strategising I’ve ever seen.

    How anyone can go from writing fashion critiques in The Advertiser to being a “serious” contender is beyond me.
    That’s without even taking the ugly step sons into consideration.

  19. Don’t get me started Toiletboss. Only hacks or celebrities get preselected.

  20. Tom Of Melbourbe asked:

    “Does anyone care to speculate about the identity of players that have tested positive twice for a banned substance?”

    No need to speculate boys. This fellof the back of the filing cabinet at AFL House:

    Jason Akermanis tested positive to White King on nineteen occasions during 2003 but got off claiming he drinks it to bleach his hair blonde from the inside.

    Daniel Kerr positive tests to RoundUp, Zero and a range of other garden pesticides used in the manufacture of ice and crack cocaine

    Nick Reiwoldt tested positive to Baygon in Round 1 but got off saying he used It as a preventative measure to avoid scabies and ringworm due to playing Footscary (intentional typo) that week

    Neil Craig tested positive to inhuman concentrations of Hydrogen due to drinking nothing except demineralised water since 1967

    Bryce Gibbs tests positive to Cottees Rasperry Cordial every week as he 9 years old and this is his favourite beverage.

    Josh Carr has tested positive to a range of bizarre substances including juice of tinned sardines,
    Cardboard boxes and asphalt as he does not have enough neurons to determine what is food
    and what is not and his social educator sometimes gets a laugh out of letting him choose his
    own breakfast.

    By the Tom of Melbourne, is your name just an acronym of ‘Tom Of Melbourne’ or is that REALLY your name ?

    – Barra (another really rascally Adelaidean)

  21. It’s the year of flippin magpie, OK? Go you good things. Carn the Pies!!!

  22. Bugger! 48 – 4! 😳

  23. Jade Rawlings? Sure, he’s married to Richo’s sister, but Jade Rawlings!

  24. And now for the Wallabies to pound the Baa Baa’s – and I hope no leaguies are watching “The Defector”.

  25. Yeah, sorry Tone but you guys are gonna be getting rooted hard for a while yet by the looks of things.

    Choco 2010?

    BTW, your narrowing was very concise.

  26. Port about to get humiliated………fingers & toes crossed.

  27. 5 mins in & Port are getting decimated.

    Promising.

    They’d be close to gone already if Twedders hadn’t been gifted a free kick.

  28. …finally a Port win! Now let’s hope the cows go down tomorrow (fingers, toes and nuts crossed) 🙂

  29. Penola had to fight hard to shake off those pesty Dockers.

  30. LOL. Go the Penola Power.

    The song just doesn’t sound the same, though:

    Weeeee aaaare the Power from Penola,
    The Power from Penola…

  31. You can uncross your nuts now steve. Hopefully the entwined cords haven’t strangled their blood supply.

    Cows were impressive & MUCH more convincing than the ‘scum.

  32. Ockaroos through to World Cup after nil all draw.

    Yay!

  33. At least good wine comes from Penola.

    Nothing of value takes root in Port Adelaide.

  34. How are Millicent doing Tboss?

  35. Not so good, but I’m not a native.

  36. Tioletboss – “Nothing of value takes root in Port Adelaide.”

    Then how do you explain the Cornes boys step mum?

  37. Pretty sure that the Cornes boys weren’t spawned in Pt Adelaide.

  38. Tipping results to the end of Round 10:

    Rank (LW) Tipster Points
    1 (1) Toiletboss 63
    2 (1) Miglo 62
    3 (3) tomeofmelbourne 60
    4 (5) Tony of South Yarra 56
    5 (4) James of North Melbourne 55
    6 (6) Dave55 54
    7 (7) Rileysdad 39

  39. I did all my tips for the whole season.

  40. Now I know why Port lost the last 2. Stop tipping them ToM, you’re the kiss of death. Start tipping the Tingles.

  41. Tome, you are doing very well…clear 2nd. Especially considering when you tipped.

    On a fussball related topic………any comments on John Elliot the rapeshielder?
    Seems Kennetlike in worthiness.

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