Friday Footy!

Footy Preview – Round 9, with Tom of Melbourne…

Well what a huge week this has been.

Did someone allege that the “bar towel in the bag thief mum” was a bogan? It was raised on this very site during the week. This is not possible. There is no evidence at all that this poor woman is a Richmond supporter. Has anyone seen any evidence of a tattoo on either of her breasts? NO!

Ipso facto, that woman is no Richmond supporter; therefore she is not a bogan.

Besides she is in her mid 30s and her oldest child is 12. If she was a tigers supporter/bogan, she’d have several grandchildren by now. She’d be known as the “bar towel in the bag thief nanna”.

Then Richmond sacked and unsacked their coach during the week. They’re confused and this is bad for Richmond . In my opinion that makes the whole episode worthwhile.

If it is bad for Richmond , the rest of us should make the most of the entertainment.

The games…

Geelong vs Dogs. Geelong is tired from kicking too many goals. They’ll remain tired. The dogs are gone, it is over. 300 games from Akka? That bloke talks so much that he will finish up being President of Hawthorn when he finally retires. Geelong by about 25 goals.

West Coast Eagles vs Collingwood. Eddie McGuire is the most successful person ever to support Collingwood, and he is only a failed TV executive.

West Coast are buffed and waxed, they’ve been taking their “vitamins” and “energy supplements”. They picked them up in bulk from “Bandidos Motorcycle Club & Health Supplies”. Eagles will win.

North vs Fremantle. Bland vs bland, can anyone name the captain of either club? Once the media have finished with devouring Terry Wallace, they’ll turn their attention to whoever it is that is coaching North. Fremantle will win a game that no one cares about.

Adelaide vs Carlton . Carlton people miss the glory days, when Malcolm Fraser was number 1 ticket holder, John Elliott was president of salary cap rorts (and chief of corporate dodgy deals), and John Doratich was arrested for exposing himself. Those were the days! Brendan Fevola tries but cannot match it with the great exposers of Carlton ’s past.

However, this is a rich Carlton tradition – Adelaide cannot hope to match it for decades, not matter how often they select Nathan Bock. Carlton easily.

Richmond vs Essendon. Richmond supporters were spewin’ after their narrow defeat last week. That’s the type of jargon they use at tigerland. It is good for football to have the them spewin’, they will be spewin’ again this week.

Sydney vs Port. Port Adelaide players celebrated their narrow and undeserving win last week with the traditional fashion – a gallon each of Jim Beam and coke. This is the upmarket drink in Alberton. They’ve been drinking it ever since. They drink Jim Beam and coke during the trip from Adelaide to Sydney , and Port always travel by bus, it allows more time for drinking. The Port bogans will tumble off the bus, full, and move straight to defeat. That’s also good for football.

St Kilda vs Brisbane . Remember when the Lions were a team of he-men? They roughed up poor Nicky Riewoldt after he had broken his collar bone. Brisbane is far more gentlemanly and polite these days, and that is exactly why they’ll loose.

Hawthorn vs Melbourne . Melbourne president Jim Stynes enjoys pontificating, he has been lecturing everyone about everything. His current subject is about not having strippers in the club rooms. What type of football club is he trying to run? A footy club for woosies? Hawthorn will win because Kennett will be tied up at the president’s lunch agreeing with Stynes and will be unable to deliver his demotivating motivational speech.

It’s about time James returned with a footy preview. Hurry up James.

It’s a good thing that Adrian has returned. Who do you barrack for Adrian ? I’m happy to prepare a review of your favourite team.

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45 Responses

  1. ” Adelaide cannot hope to match it for decades, not matter how often they select Nathan Bock”

    He’s injured Tom, not selected.

    As usual you’re right about Port Adelaide though. Bar mat thieves one & all.

  2. All this vitriol directed at Port tells me that ToM really, really wishes he supports a team that isn’t still at the bottom of the ladder after eons. Never mind, I suppose there have to be bottom dwellers ad those who support them.

  3. Tom plays his cards close Jane. I still have no idea about who he supports.

    He doesn’t let much slip, a disciplined strategy.

    No flies on Tom.

  4. Oh gawd..that’s right it’s the Pies versus the WEagles. This means that I won’t hear from my lady friend in Geraldton. She won’t talk to me if the Pies win and she won’t talk to me if the WEagles lose (hehe).

    On the other hand if the WEagles win, I can expect numerous emails containing animations of splendiferous eagles. No contest, the Eagles will win especially as the Pies have no forwards.

  5. Is this the right forum to announce that I don’t mind a Jim Beam and Coke?

  6. Tboss, I’m guessing that Tom was an old Fitzroy supporter, and since they folded he follows whoever holds the wooden spoon.

    He strikes me as the type of guy who likes to back losers.

  7. Toiletboss, as you might deduce from my preview, I have no idea who is selected.

    I prefer to review the clubs and their supporters. This is far more fertile for the types of observations that I like.

    So Miglo is one of the yuppie Port supporters. Drinking Jim Beam and coke! Very sophisticated Miglo.

  8. Tom, I don’t mind Jim Beam and Coke (as I said), but unfortunately I can’t drink it due to my diabetes and lupus.

    Actually, it’s bloody hard to drink anything these days but I do force myself to have the occasional premium red.

  9. “I prefer to review the clubs and their supporters. This is far more fertile for the types of observations that I like”Tom

    Just keep on doin’ what you’re doin’ Tom.

    I think the barbs are great, who cares about the overpaid intellectual pygmies who play the game?

    Yuck! Jim Beam! uuuurgh.

    I’d swill on just about anything but Jim Beam, Port & Stony Mac’s. Port the fortified wine that is, not Portscum the cavalcade of human detritus.

    Are they gonna win this week miglo?
    I think they should but it’s a bit of a line ball in Sydney.

    I won’t be picking the Crows for a while, their season is pretty much dusted. This strategy worked for me last week when I picked all 8; won some money in the Med Clinic comp I’m in here.

  10. Tboss I’m not likely to go for Port this week. They don’t play the SCG, or any interstate venue come to think of it, that well.

    Hoping for the Blues to beat your team of dandelions.

  11. Better get my NRL tips in for this week. No comments’ just my tips (and after last week’s perfect round, tip against at your peril 😈 )

    Tigers v Broncos: Broncos

    Eels v Bunnies: Bunnies

    Cronulla v Dragons: Dragons (Really – was that one so tough)

    Doggies v Storm: Doggies (I hate them but I’ll think they’ll get the upset – they’ll be dirty after the disallowed try on full time last week)

    Panthers v Roosters: Panthers (I’m tipping the record scoreline the Panther’s didn’t get last week)

    Raiders v Warriors: Canberra (in a tight one)

    Titans v Sea Eagles: Sea Eagles (simply because the week I tipped against them they actually won and have been playing well ever since – should be a good close game though)

    Cowboys v Knights: Cowboys (but should be another good close game – the Thurston v Mullens match up will be interesting)

    BTW: From memory, Adrian is a Storm supporter, no idea what AFL team he goes for.

  12. They will beat the dandy’s moogli.

  13. “BTW: From memory, Adrian is a Storm supporter”

    Damn Victorians!

  14. Miglo: ” Is this the right forum to announce that I don’t mind a Jim Beam and Coke?”

    I think the time is ripe for a sub-thread on the favourite drink of each club’s supporters.

    Melbourne: Pink Gin
    Port: Methylated Spiririts and Coke
    Footscray: Methylated Spirits. Kerosene on Wednesday before pension day
    Collingwood: Dom Perignon ’42
    Carlton: Probably bloody Crown Lager
    St. Kilda: Extract of Tequila worm
    Fremantle Stone’s Green Ginger Wine Cooler:
    Richmond: Arterial blood from freshly decapitated Sheep

  15. Richmond: Arterial blood from freshly decapitated Sheep

    Drunk from the slipper of an 18yo Collingwood-supporting maiden .

    Only jokin’ – there’s no such thing. (The only 18yo virgins who support Collingwood are male.)

  16. The Port supporters I know drink anything. Except chardonney. We won’t lower ourselves.

  17. Crow’s supporters don’t drink. They suck things instead.

  18. A bloke at work came up to me last week and announced that the Brumbies can still finish second.

    WTF!

  19. WTF!

    Yeah that’s what I would have said.

    Or else I would have pretended to know what he was talking about, looked at my watch, and said, “Oh, about half-past six.”

  20. Tony, I told him that I didn’t have the file.

  21. I tipped the Cats by 40 points. They need to rally in the last quarter. Dogs are running.

  22. 40 points? I think geelong will win, but don’t like your chances of getting the margin.

  23. lol @ baraholka & Tony.

    “Crow’s supporters don’t drink. They suck things instead”

    …that would be eggs at the moment.

  24. The favourite drink of each club’s supporters.

    Melbourne: Pink Gin
    Port: Methylated Spiririts and Coke
    Footscray: Methylated Spirits. Kerosene on Wednesday before pension day
    Collingwood: Dom Perignon ‘42
    Carlton: Probably bloody Crown Lager
    St. Kilda: Extract of Tequila worm
    Fremantle Stone’s Green Ginger Wine Cooler:
    Richmond: Arterial blood from freshly decapitated Sheep
    Adelaide: Horlicks and Warm Milk
    Hawthorn: Mud
    North Melbourne: Due to budgetary constrants, Fetid Pond Water
    Essendon: Juice of 100 Raw Lemons laced with FunnelWeb venom
    West Coast: Moron Juice

  25. baraholka1, that is a very amusing review of the favorite drinks of footy supporters.

    You have to be careful though. Most Collingwood people smoke a lot, they smoke everything. Schapelle Corby is a Collingwood type. Many have a tracheotomy; it is a favoured health asset.

    The idea of these poor drug addled types swigging from a bottle of Dom that they’ve pinched from the bottle shop is amusing.

    But the Dom is too difficult for them to steal, particularly when the flagon of sherry is so much bigger, with more alcohol, and the flagon has the handy grip to make swigging easy.

    It is a fact; a stolen flagon of sherry is the preferred drink of Collingwood supporters.

  26. Tom,

    There are many myths about Collingwood e.g that they are a good football team (not since approx 1933); that they are mean and tough (Leon Davis need I say more); and that they are working class club. Collingwood are not working class and have not been since their ruby-encrusted bandwagon collapsed under its own weight around 1950.

    True, there may be a rump of eighth-generation descendents from the pre-war generation sadly unaware and unable to comprehend that the Pies no longer play at Victoria Park and these are the remnant whom you eloquently describe above.

    These are really to be pitied since their cognitive awareness is at sub-crustacean level, about on a par with the pimply schoolchildren and Neville Nobodies that formed the playing list of the transplanted South Melbourne so unceremoniously dumped in Sydney approx. 1978. Those ex-Swans with functioning intelligence got themselves traded or retired before the AFL required forcible relocation.

    Collingwood supporters are glitterati: Shih-Tzu owning poseurs who guzzle Dom Perignon. As Eddie put it, ‘Collingwood is a brand, a concept…’ Their supporters are like white Geelong Grammar kids pretending to be Rap Gangstas. Or like the mass of Londoners who support Manchester United.

    You want to see a Collingwood supporter for real ? They support Footscray.

    Regards,

    Baraholka

  27. I recall Victoria Park.

    I have no doubt that Eddie was also saying ‘channel 9 is a brand, a concept…’ during the period that he was failing as CEO.

    The only difference here is that the Collingwood people are far more tolerant of failure than the Packers. They experience it non stop.

    Like it or not, Collingwood supporters prefer stolen alcohol. While I suggest sherry, they really aren’t choosey.

  28. Just rounding out the favourite drink of each club’s supporters:

    Sydney: The degenerate coaching style and overall paranoia of Paul Roos is due to his tragic addiction to Absinthe but the favourite tipple of Swans supporters themselves is over-priced bottled water.

    Brisbane: Warm Fourex. This is the only beverage avilable north of the Tweed except for One Nation strongholds around Townsville and Rockhampton where Bushells Instant has been the unchallenged favourite since 1912

    Geelong: Hot Toddy Of Liquified Beaver Fat

  29. Great stuff baraholka!

  30. I agree with Tboss: great stuff baraholka.

    Just in passing, you’re new around these parts aren’t you?

    We enjoy fresh blood. Some of the regulars harp on a bit and are becoming boring. Especially one who is from Melbourne and has 3 letters in his blogging name and it starts with a T.

  31. Am just catching up too Migs. I was just about to ask bara about Geelong and he/she came up with the response, beaver fat. Sounds fair enough to me..especially as a hot toddy and you need it down Geelong way.

    BTW Migs how is the wine ‘at room temperature’ going in Canberra. TB, Aqua and I are still having to store ours in the ‘fridge.

  32. Min, wine at room temperature in Canberra is colder than that kept in the ‘fridge.

  33. Miglo,

    I will be checking in regularly and enjoy the barbed wit of Tom’s Footy Reviews. It appeals to my inner evil twin.

    For purposes of disclosure I am a Crows supporter as you may have guessed by my visceral hatred of Port.

    Like many I am wondering about Neil Craig’s coaching. His method of rotating his best midfielders off the bench through the back pocket and half-back while retaining second-tier youngsters on the ball; almost no matter the cost. bothers me. As does the absence of any talented ruckmen and forwards. And the long-term injured in the extended squad (Burton, Hentschel).

    On the plus side I think a few of the current juniors can actually play (Dangerfield, Ottens, Petrenko) but I am hoping for a quick development. Vince has come on but is not consistent enough; Van Berlo has had a poor year to date; Mackay is improving but I wish it were faster. The flickers of hope make me thibk that maybe we can rebuild without absolute disaster of the Melbourne/Richmond/Carlton/Hawthorn kind.

    Now Miglo – do you think Choco can coach ? In my view Port have underachieved with notable talent and the Power are amazingly soft for a Port team. Williams is a skills coach and Port have never been a skills club. Yes there have been many many very skilled Port teams and players but Williams emphasis on skills has entered a creepy Mike Nunan zone of skills for skills sake. Bizarre given that Williams himself was the least skilled player in VFL/AFL since 1945 and survived on sheer will to win alone.

    In fact Ports combination of skills approach plus massive underachievement is very reminiscent of …Glenelg (circa 1975-1983). That must stick in your guts.

    Williams, as a coach, is not in th Port tradition.

    Best Regards,

    Barra

  34. I knew there was something about you bara.

    I think that if the Crows can find a decent 3rd Qtr then they are a potentially good team.
    Agree re the youngsters too, some good ones coming through. It’s not gonna be a pretty season but the Crows were summarily written off by many for the last 5 years before the season had even begun & have done reasonably well throughout.
    This is probably the bad year they had to have & isn’t helped by a tough draw.

    Gotta work Arvo shift today so won’t be able to watch until I get home after 11pm.
    I’ve tipped Carlton but would be happy to be wrong.

    It’d be refreshing to win a game at home this year.

  35. Barra, Choco has been coaching the Power for a decade, and you know what, I still haven’t made my mind up on him.

    He can be brilliant at times, and on other times, quit the opposite.

    Craig, on the other hand has absolutely nothing going for him.

    And on Tom, we have a history of needling each other. Please don’t take my attack on him seriously. He certainly won’t.

  36. <blockquote)This is probably the bad year they had to have & isn’t helped by a tough draw.

    Excuse me while I vomit.

  37. I stuffed up the blockquote.

  38. B1 – “enjoy the barbed wit of Tom’s Footy Reviews”

    This is a clever example of rhyming slang.

  39. F#@k’n referees! Manly should have won that!
    Did anyone else tip Richmond?

  40. Did anyone else tip Richmond?

    No-one else on the planet tipped Richmond. You’re all alone on this one Dave.

    How does it feel to be treated like a leper?

  41. GO BRONCO’S!

  42. A leper who guessed right Miglo 😀

  43. Hey Miglo………suck shit:)

    Go Swans!!!!!

  44. A leper who guessed right Miglo

    😳 a leper who looked at a part way through score on oz tips and saw a tick next to the Tigers and thought they had won a surprisingly low scoring game (bloody oztips).

    I’m an idiot.

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