Never Mind the Frolykz, Here’s Weekend Wonderland!!

Hello

Good afternoon and welcome to Weekend Wonderland – now with added zest and appeal.

Well what an interesting week it’s been. I’ve been called selfish, ignorant, arrogant, offensive, insensitive and self-obsessed – and that was by people who like me.

So I’d better talk about something else.

Christians.

No let’s no go there. Um. The Budget. Yes. Next Tuesday all will be revealed by Wild Swan in his first Budget as a grown up. He’s got big shoes to fill – following in the foot steps of the self-proclaimed “World’s Greatest Treasurer,” but I reckon our boy Wayne is going to pull through.

Hints to date suggest that fags and grog are going up and welfare benefits for the rich are coming down. Poor old Joe Hockey doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going, but he’s determined to “maintain the rage” irrespective of whatever topic happens to be at hand, and that specifically includes whatever happens to be in the Budget.

This is what happens when we have a mob of socialists running the country.

Personally, I look forward to seeing Big Joe “incandescent with rage” (who thought that line up again?) after all is revealed next Tuesday.

Has anyone been watching the Graham Norton show? It’s camp, it’s funny, and it’s worth checking out (BBC humour of course).

I thought we’d have some nice relaxing local music to dissolve into the weekend…

Have a top weekend everyone!

Much ado about a hairdo.

When you’re an international leader of power, charisma, charm and good looks, it’s important to maintain a well-groomed and carefully orchestrated appearance whenever you’re in the public eye.

It should come as no surprise then, that together with a number of essential men’s grooming products no self-respecting Australian Prime Minister should ever travel without the companionship of a small travel-sized hair dryer.
Compact, and ready to go anywhere, wherever the international man of leisure is heading, it’s no surprise that our PM Kevin Rudd depends on this important accessory.

How else would one be expected to carry of this casual wind-swept look?

kevinrudd

But is it really fair to single out the PM as the only pollie who pays careful attention to manicuring his moptop to perfection? Frankly, I think not.

Consider Helen Coonan, usually renowned for her lavish, some would say, tragically overdone sense of makeup, and over-the-top grooming style – here she is looking like she’s just been dragged through a hedge backwards. Not the kind of photo you’d like to wake up to in the morning. A face like a well slapped arse? I’m sorry Helen, but yes, I’m afraid so.

coonan

Julie Bishop is clearly no stranger to the can of hair spray either, here sporting a nice Lady Diana soft casual look, which cleverly conceals “the bitch within”. Why, she almost looks human. In fact, it could almost be an album cover couldn’t it? If only if it wasn’t for those fu*kin’ eyes.

julie bishop

And let’s not forget the already forgotten Bronwyn Bishop. Yes she is still alive! No one quite knows what she does but I imagine a great deal of it involves fannying about in front of a mirror to achieve this dazzling display of sultry glamour.

What a marvellous bubbly and energetic personality. Stepping out in style Bronwyn makes no shame of her natural beauty – it’s just a pity you can’t fu*kin’ see any of it. Or is it…

bronywn

But of course, it’s not all about the girls. While there’s probably not a great deal of room for movement, Alexander Downer’s “steel wool” hairdo perfectly matched his steely eyed missile man persona when he dragged Australia into the largely successful Iraq war. What a guy! “That’s not happiness to see me is it?” asks the AWB commission.

downer

But of course, if we had to name one winner in the perfectly groomed hairdo category, I think few would argue that the award would go to Kevin Andrews – the Minister for Maintaining a shade of perfect burgundy – that would make even the most dedicated of two-bit Bankstown stay-at-home mum’s do-it-yourself-home-dying-job-kits green with envy.

Ne’er a grey hair has managed to permeate Kevin’s scalp to cop a glimpse of daylight without being immediately smothered in sludgy burgundy die. This doesn’t just courage, it takes months of steely eyed determination to make sure the job is done. And done right, all the time, every time. A true contendor, A true medal-winning performance. What a guy!

andrews

In this day and age, it seems that a great deal of our politicians’ competence and credibility literally “rests on their heads.”

So why should we blame them for a bit of mousse there, and wad of gel here, and a power blast of hairspray to finish it all off?

While it may seem to have become only recently newsworthy, one can only speculate as to how things might’ve been different if this had been an issue at the last election…

howard-rudd-hair-styles

Friday Footy!

Round 7 AFL Preview – by Tom of Melbourne

What a dud game the ‘show downs” were.

The one in Adelaide offered no surprises and no highlights. Everyone knows that the criminal classes will always overcome the show ponies.

Over in the west, the drug busts continue to take their toll on the performance of the Eagles. Having a pharmacist as a coach is simply no substitute to having Benny working his magic around the club.

On to my tips for this week –

Essendon vs Hawthorn. Essendon have a good chance if Kennett has provided any motivational speeches to the Hawthorn playing group during the week. A speech by Kennett is about as effective on team morale as a dose of botulism.

Frankly, most of the shoe salesmen and property development types that turn up at the Hawthorn President’s Lunch on game day use the time consumed by Kennett’s address to jam their fingers down their throat.

This allows for a much more comfortable afternoon of over consumption of cheap wine, meatless party pies, reconstituted deep fried animal gristle and stale scones.

The Hawthorn club song should be to the tune of grinding teeth, the rendition accompanied by the chorus of “REEEEECH!!”

Essendon will win because Kennett just won’t shut up.

Geelong vs Sydney . Geelong is run by a major player in the green grocery industry. The players have to eat all their veggies.

Sydney needs to get Leanne Edelsten back to help harden up the resolve of the entire team. Hardening them up one, maybe 2 players, at a time, certainly no more than 3 at once. Do they call it a “resolve” in Sydney ? (remember this? – http://www.theage.com.au/ftimages/2007/09/14/1189276957577.html).

Those were the days that football club presidents contributed meaningfully to the morale of the club.

People in Sydney don’t have any morals. Geelong will win easily.

Richmond vs Brisbane . I think the Richmond players will perform at the level required to ensure that their supporters refrain from spitting at them as they depart the ground. That’s about as good as things ever get at Tigerland.

Richmond will fall over the line, Ben Cousins will check the quality of the line.

Tiger supporters will have to save their phlegm until next week, when they play Port. Now that will be a big game. It raises an important question for the football community – who has the more feral supporters? The game next week will help sort out the answer.

While some may find amusement in the injury to Matthew Richardson, I certainly don’t! He’s a Richmond character through and through – he blames his mates if he doesn’t take a mark. I think he’d lob a mouthful of phlegm at them if the cameras weren’t on. There should be more of it, particularly at Richmond , and I believe there is at training.

North vs Port Adelaide. North are very much like Port.

Wayne Carey should have finished his career with them, rather than Adelaide . Have you seen the step mum of the Cornes boys? She is ideal for Wayne , and after all Carey is quite experienced in resisting arrest, so he certainly has a future as a skills coach at Port. Given the talent off the field, I think he’ll coach for free.

The North “shin boner” tradition is entirely consistent with the preference of Port Adelaide players and supporters for raw meat. Port players enjoy eating raw meat (that they’ve slaughtered with their bare fists), so I think Port will get up.

Carlton vs Fremantle. Weren’t we all laughing last week as Brendon Fevola hit the post with the kick that should have won the match for DIck Pratt? Fevola should grow up; otherwise he’ll never be Chief Marketing & Luncheon Director with Visy.

I think Fremantle will be 5 goals up with 10 minutes to play; they’ll then lose by 2 goals.

Adelaide vs Western Bulldogs. Adelaide are front runners. They are an artificial club, created by the SANFL marketing department. They don’t deserve the success they’ve had so far, and karma means they’re in for a decade of wallowing near the bottom of the ladder. I can’t wait for the next decade.

Bulldogs will win, because they are pathetic losers who win when they shouldn’t.

West Coast vs Melbourne . Traditionally both amateur and professional pharmacists have had a big influence at the Eagles. They should be sponsored by Bex. Melbourne are broke and they have an unknown and totally unsuccessful coach. They’re going nowhere except in reverse. So I’m tipping Melbourne to win easily.

Collingwood vs St Kilda. St Kilda have improved since they got rid of their celebrity president. They now have one that no one knows. This is as it should be.

Collingwood love the celebrities. That’s because their fans are very, very stupid people who watch too much television. Collingwood supporters only read the TV guide; they move their lips during this activity, as they find it mentally challenging.

My tip is that Natalie Bassingthwaighte or Dannie Minogue will replace Eddie McGuire as president by the end of the season.

St Kilda will win by about 20 goals.

Well that’s it from me, hopefully – next week James can return.