AFL by Tom

It’s been a big week on football.

Hawthorn President Jeff Kennett has taken on the AFL administration/warlords over umpires.

What a dilemma!! Who to barrack for?

I’m supporting a nil all draw with lots of injuries. Kennett with concussion, Demitriou taking a tongue lashing.

The former President of Carlton and consumer rip of and price fixing (that’s part of the selection criteria to become Carlton president) has passed on. Carlton used to win for Sir Robert Menzies, for Malcolm Fraser, for John Elliott. They cheated to win a flag in 1995, so expect a big game from them in honour of Dick Pratt.

And fittingly Carlton play Hawthorn. On balance, the characters that hang around Carlton are shadier than those at Hawthorn and Kennett remains non dead. Carlton to cause an upset.

Collingwood vs North Melbourne. Collingwood are pathetic losers, their president is a sook. Apparently he isn’t rich enough to be crooked. Loser. North to win.

West Coast Vs Fremantle. Who cares? Since the various drug busts and suppression of bikies, the Eagles seem to have lost their way. Fremantle to cause an upset.

Brisbane vs Essendon. I note that the Brisbane lads have put in a big week under the sun lamps. They’re very browned up. Essendon are pale, they don’t have a chance.

Port vs Adelaide, ie Men on Remand vs Weak Jokers. Once again, the impartial observer would hope for a nil all draw with serious injuries throughout the game, both sides to finish with 12 players and call it off at three quarter time. Port are well to receiving and us physical punishment, they should win.

Sydney vs Richmond. We can only hope that Sydney have a narrow win, after a very dubious free kick after the siren to cause more excruciating pain for all their supporters and coach.

Melbourne vs Geelong. Melbourne are weak losers. I’d like to know who Geelong’s pharmacist is. I want what they take. Geelong to win.

Western Bulldogs vs St Kilda. A game late on Sunday, which will suit St Kilda, they’ll be able to sleep in after a late night on the piss at the social club. The Bulldogs are hopeless, perennial losers. Being a traditionalist, that should continue. Saints to win.

Kind regards to all

Tom

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44 Responses

  1. Please accept my sincere apologies once again for grammar and spelling errors, particularly what should read –

    Port are well to receiving and dishing out physical punishment, they should win.

  2. Joni, the ‘pies president might be a sook but we have the spunkiest coach in the league.

  3. Please note …above was submitted in the absence of those that are off sooking and in the spirit of continuing to get everyone off side.

    Kindest and sincere regards to all.

    Tom

  4. Tom

    And fittingly Carlton play Hawthorn. On balance, the characters that hang around Carlton are shadier than those at Hawthorn and Kennett remains non dead. Carlton to cause an upset.

    LMFAO

  5. Good effort under short notice, Tom. Not as good as James, but not too bad. (Perhaps a bit more offensiveness, next time?)

  6. I think AFL is a stoopid game… too many knock ons, not enough scrums.

    Or maybe it is because those like me with ducks-disease (bum too close to the ground) were never good at it.

  7. You would have made an excellent rover joni.

  8. Dave55’s NRL predictions.

    Based on last weeks efforts these are likely to be pretty close to being “close but no cigar” so I recommend that if money is in play, tip whoever I haven’t.

    Parramatta v Cowboys
    My prediction on Parra’s performance last week was actually correct- they suck and should be tipped against at any opportunity at the moment. My take on the Cowboys last week was a little off (alhough that could have been clouded by my Maroon coloured glasses). Even though the Cowboys are away from home, they should give the eels a good grilling this week. Cowboys by 2 trys.

    Manly v Storm
    Should be the match of the round. Will definately be the lowest scoring unless one of these sides actually finds the form that we know they should be producing. Finch played pretty well last week and that game under his belt will help the Storm. Manly need to learn how to score without Stewart – it’s not like they aren’t playing well accross the park; it’s just that the only person who knows what to do with the ball on the other side of the try line is either in trouble for hitting on under age chicks or is injured. I’m tipping the Eagles but I suspect it is out of loyalty. Eagles by either 2 or a shit load.

    Gold Coast v Bunnies
    This should be a good game. Wing is in doubt for the bunnies and Rogers is back for the Titans. The loss of Wing probably isn’t as damaging as the loss of Rogers for the Titans was. Going with the home ground advantage here – Titans to win but not by a big margin.

    Cronulla v Roosters
    Quite franly – who cares. Both are playing lijke shit this year. The Roosters got beaten up last week even though their “star” players had something to play for (ie, pride). Cronulla quite franly suck this year. They learnt how to score tries eventually last week but at the expense of their defence. Ricky will still be smarting over Gus Gould’s take down of him as well. Nil all draw would be too good a result fort these teams – I would predict a 50 all draw in recognition of their appalling defence but that shows more scoring potential than either team have shown for the past 2 years (in fact I think it is more points than Cronulla have scored in 2 years). The coin toss says the roosters by a couple of points but … Who TF knows – the only point of this match is to work out who is most likely to take the wooden spoon.

    Newcastle v Brisbane
    Both teams are playing well but Brisbane are playing better and Brisbane have always had it over Newcastle, even at Newcastle. I This could be because a Knight could never ride a bucking bronco but I suspect it’s just because the Broncos are much better accross the park. I’m tipping the Broncos but this will be a high scoring match.

    Penrith v Canberra
    Luke Walsh is a star. I saw him play in an under 21s match against Canberra 3 yeras ago in the prelude to the Newcastle/Manly semi final and he and Mullins tore the young Canberra side apart. Last week he was the difference between the Titans and the Panthers and Elliott was right to paly him in the starting line up with Samutt off the bench. If the Panthers can beat the Titans, they can beat Canberra. Don’t get me wrong, Canberra are a good side but this Panthers side looks like it could be something special. Panthers by at least 8.

    St George v Warriors
    I predicted the Warriors to beat the Storm last week and was so close to being right that I’m going to say I was. St George are playing much better than the Storm though so the question is: how much better and how well will Stacey Jones play. I’m tipping this to go to extra time with the Dragons getting up. (Sorry IATW, that’s probably put the knocker on them).

    Doggies v Tigers.
    Both are playing much better than I expected this year. I’m tipping the Tigers but only because the home town advantage won’t mean shit for the Dogs in this game because it is midway between Cambelltown and Balmain and lets face it, in a fight a tiger will always beat a dog.

  9. Whoops sorry Tom, I read joni and didn’t read down to note that you were the author..was wondering how joni had suddenly become so knowledgable. Excellent effort, apart from the comment about Collingwood being pathetic losers. They are not losers, they are only pathetic when they do so.

  10. Me? Knowledgable? Phsaw!

    reb and I just stumble from one thread to another on here… he has tourette’s and I have an aversion to any conflict.

  11. Looks like Greg Pritchard at the SMH is having as much fun with the Roosters v Cronuklla match as me:

    http://www.leaguehq.com.au/news/lhqmatchpreview/cronulla-v-sydney-roosters/2009/04/30/1240982341904.html

    The money comment:

    Look, if you bet your life on this game you obviously haven’t got any regard for your life, but the only value bet looks to be the Sharks, who have been put up as outsiders at home. Surely they have got at least as much chance of winning as the Roosters.

  12. Manly v Storm
    Should be the match of the round.

    Dave55, on May 1st, 2009 at 2:43 pm Said:

    Yeah……………it would have been……………………….Last Year

    This year………………………………Snore…………..!

  13. Walrus, flying high at the moment on St George’s good start to the season are we?

    I actually remarked to one of my workmates who’s a Dragon’s supporter that I’m starting to understand how it must have felt to be a Dragon’s supporter over the past coule of years 😦

  14. Dave55, on May 1st, 2009 at 3:43 pm Said:

    I actually only expect a Top 4 finish this year unlike other supporters who already see a premiership this year. They are just dreamers.

    The joint is being rebuilt and that takes more than one season

  15. I think you’ve got it wrong Dave.

    Parramatta vs Nth Qld. Parramatta has only been in the competition since 1947, and I don’t like these newcomers. Cowboys are red necks. This is the natural game for a red neck. They’ll win.

    Manly vs Storm. Silvertails vs Unknowns. When Storm win a premiership, they get a ticker tape parade. But in Sydney. No one here in Melbourne knows or cares. Storm.

    Gold Coast vs Souths. Any team that Russell Crow is associated with deserves to loose. Permanently.

    Cronulla vs Easts. Wasn’t Elle Macpherson’s dad running Cronulla for a while? The only other time they looked that good was when a photographer got into the player showers and got one of Andrew Ettingshahsen. Go Sharks. Eastern suburbs people are wankers anyway. Cronulla easily.

    Newcastle vs Brisbane. Brisbane are tossers. They sided with Murdoch to start so called super league. John Ribbot rooted them, then rooted the game, then sought refuge in Melbourne. Meanwhile Newcastle gave refuge to a drug cheat, Joey, just because he was a clever player. Newcastle to win.

    Penrith vs Canberra. Canberra is the home of bludgers (and we know some of them here), particularly when Mal Meninga and Ricky Stuart were playing. Penrith is where poor people live way out in the sticks. They have no harbour views there you know! But lime green makes me vomit. Penrith narrowly.

    St George vs Auckland. St George still miss Anthony Mundine. Not to mention Johnny Raper. They’ve been consistent losers since 1966, with a minor exception or 2. Auckland.

    Canterbury vs Wests Tigers. Canterbury should stick to what they do best. Which is rape and pillage. Tigers should off load the chain dragging western suburbs, and return to the gentrified and trendy Balmain. They play like inner west wimps anyway, they might as well finish the job. Canterbury to punish them wimps.

  16. Tom,

    Methinks you know more about League than you let on. Mind you, I can’t see you ever following Union 😉

  17. Tom of Melbourne, on May 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm Said:

    Who is this Non Existent team “Auckland” ?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand_Warriors

  18. Well done Tom.

    And you didn’t even mention unions once!

  19. Apologies for the omission Reb

    Canberra Raiders are a front for union hacks and thugs, they’re proudly sponsored by CFMEU.

    The Australian Building and Construction Commission should prosecute Canberra for the thuggish way they play.

    The CFMEU taught them.

  20. “Port are well to receiving and dishing out physical punishment, they should win.”Tom

    Of course you are just plain wrong (& obviously didn’t watch Portscum last week) you Victorian piece of shit.

    Hopefully that’s in the nature of the thread.

  21. # you Victorian piece of shit.

    I cant stop laughing

  22. Hopefully that’s in the nature of the thread.

    You’ve captured not only the nature of this thread, but the general spirit of the last couple of days, perfectly.

  23. Ah, the perils of taboo.

    Mum always told me if you want to get along with people don’t discuss…

    Sex

    Religion

    Politics

    Of course she is both wrong & right. But I say F@CK THAT!

    How boring would interaction become if we were to limit ourselves thus?

    Sometimes we need to get over ourselves & our hang-ups. A grain of salt, turn the other cheek etc.
    I think all three topics are stimulating & worthy of dissection. Insult is taken, not “caused”.

    For this reason I know that I can confidently call Tom the Victorian piece of shit that he is & know that he won’t burst into tears.
    No doubt he may want to call me a backwards arsed CFMEU member or somesuch & for that I will happily eat my tough bikkies.

  24. Well luckily I just checked in Toiletboss.

    Port are of course scum, they’re pathetic. Their supporters carry a similar odour to the stuff in the corner of the shower in a house I shared about 25 years ago.

    Port supporters and the players they adore are either out on bail or day release.

    Adelaide supporters are generally related to people from Snowtown.

  25. Oh yeah, good luck miglo.

    I hope your team loses badly. Something in the order of 250 pts would be good.

  26. “Adelaide supporters are generally related to people from Snowtown.”

    LOL.

    Snowtown, Truro etc.

    “Their supporters carry a similar odour to the stuff in the corner of the shower in a house I shared about 25 years ago. ”

    I believe you’re thinking of “Odour de Cornes”.

    I better show some humility now as the Crows are a good chance to lose…possibly.
    Of course if they win they’ll be well entrenched in the top 8.

    Time will tell.

    BTW, I enjoyed your deliberately provocative AFL preview Tom. You are certainly correct about Collingwood…but they’ll probably win.
    I think you’re wrong about the Western Derby too…WCE to win.

  27. I love the fact that Kennett is president of Hawthorn.

    Go Hawks, do it for Jeffery! What a shocking embarrassment. Another reason to despise Hawthorn.

    Adelaide should go and dig up Thomas Playford, and make him president. Not that we need additional reasons to hate them.

  28. colliflower might win but its a girls sport all together.

    hehehe

    ( i may be in sh*t)

  29. “colliflower might win but its a girls sport all together.”

    They should win aqua, but you’re right, Malthouse has been acting like a girl for a few weeks.

    Apologies to the girls.

    ( i may be in sh*t)

  30. Eddie McGuire writes in:

    Adelaide Weak Jokers!! Melbourne Weak Losers!! COLLINGWOOD are the ORIGINAL and ONLY Weak Losing Sooking Jokers, so hands off our territory, you punk.

    PS Did you see the free kicks against us last week ?? I have notified HREOC..and my mum…and so has MIck. So bugger off.

  31. Slightly off topic,

    but..

    At the sign of triumph Satan’s host doth flee;
    on then, Christian soldiers, on to victory!
    Hell’s foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
    brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.

    Like a mighty army moves the church of God;
    brothers, we are treading where the saints have trod.
    We are not divided, all one body we,
    one in hope and doctrine, one in charity.

    Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane, but the church of Jesus constant will remain.
    Gates of hell can never gainst that church prevail;
    we have Christ’s own promise, and that cannot fail.

    Onward Christian soldiers, blah, blah blah de blah,

    doo be, doo be, doo be, doo, be doo, doo doo…

  32. “Port are of course scum, they’re pathetic. Their supporters carry a similar odour to the stuff in the corner of the shower in a house I shared about 25 years ago.”

    Tom, the odour you describe is a combination of Pit Bull Terrier Dung mixed with hundreds of butts of Winfield Blue. Port supporters marinate their clothes, hair and homes with this feral brew, though why you should keep it in your shower is rather bemusing. Are you a Footscray supporter going in for some cross-training ? Collingwood as we know are sold-out corporate tarts who last saw a flannelette shirt in approx 1952 and have long traded in their Pit Bulls for Shih-Tzu and Maltese Terrirers.

    Port Ferals OTOH, deep in the grip ofinter-generational unemployment are largely unchanged as a Cro-Magnon sub-species with marginally lower tool-using skills (hence the demise of Adelaide’s GMH plant at Woodville).

    Consequently the retching odour of Port Adelaide is unabated and only managed by State Government carpet bombings of Industrial Bleach.

    HTH

    http://indifferencegivesyouafright.wordpress.com/

  33. lol @ baraholka1.

    Not me miglo, just in case you were wondering; but I commend bara’s insight into the Cro-Magnon subspecies.

  34. Not me miglo, just in case you were wondering; but I commend bara’s insight into the Cro-Magnon subspecies.

    He dribbles the same shit as you.

  35. It is a fact that there are more criminals per square kilometre in Alberton than any other municipality in Australia.

    Port has a rich history of violent and petty larceny.

    As Toiletboss correctly points out, however, most people that support Adelaide have relatives in Snowtown or Truro.

  36. I understand that a former skipper of the Cows, Mark Bickley, comes from Snowtown.

    Why doesn’t that surprise me.

    And as for your barrel scraping comment that Alberton has more criminals per square kilometre than any other municipaity in Australia, please humiliate me by providing a link.

  37. I was making it up.

  38. Tom, 99% of your posts are made up, I’m sure of it.

  39. Portscum doing well so far, I strongly suspect performance enhancing substances.

    For some reason the Portscum fans in the crowd are afraid of Nathan “Gentle Giant” Bock.

  40. “And as for your barrel scraping comment that Alberton has more criminals per square kilometre than any other municipaity in Australia, please humiliate me by providing a link.”

    Does anecdotal evidence from many years living in Adelaide count?

  41. Well it’s 3 qtr time & it looks bad for the Crows.

    Also disappointing is the lack of major serious injury to Port players.
    Never mind.

    Off to Nightshift shortly so won’t get to see the end but, barring a miracle, Portscum would have to fall over to lose from here.

    Once again Motlop has been a bigheaded f@ckwit, selfish & sulky.

    Night all.

  42. Intuition should count as evidence when defaming Port.

  43. Toiletboss, that was a hasty departure. And I was just about to gloat.

  44. Miglo, on May 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm Said:

    “I understand that a former skipper of the Cows, Mark Bickley, comes from Snowtown.”

    The capital of barrels, migs.

    Toiletboss, on May 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm Said:

    “For some reason the Portscum fans in the crowd are afraid of Nathan “Gentle Giant” Bock.”

    Only the women, TB.

    I’ll do a gloat for you, migs. Tingles got their just desserts, how sweet it is!!!!! No good having a wife beater in the team if you’re playing blokes.

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