Monday by the Magazine Rack.

magazine20rack

I wasn’t sure about how I was going to kick off the Magazine rack today.

However, knowing that I was due to have some blood tests this morning, I thought I’d wait for that appointment to take place, with the idea being that the experience might give me something to write about.

Well it didn’t disappoint.

I’ve just returned from Hobart Pathology after being subjected to no less than three attempts by two nurses to draw blood from my delicate being.

The first nurse, was a pretty young blond woman by the name of Tory, who upon failing to extract any blood on her first attempt, albeit driving the needle right into the vein rather painfully, subsequently apologised and said she’d have to have another go.

So after patching up the first attempt, and surveying the landscape for another vein, Tory sweetly aplogised for the inconvenience and accurately alluded to the fact that “sometimes it can be a little painful”.

“You don’t say…” I said silently to no one in particular.

The second attempt was just as painful and no more successful than the first, and at this point she suggested that she might get another nurse to have a look.

“No problem” I said, quite relieved at the prospect of perhaps someone a little more experienced in the art of drawing blood having a go.

In a flash Michelle appeared at the door, a six foot brunette who looked like she meant business. And no sooner had I removed the cufflink from my right arm, than Michelle was sizing me up for the right place to plunge the needle for the third attempt. A few clenched fists and we were off.

Michelle carefully but confidentally plunged the needle in, while uttering a few comforting words, “you might feel a little sting” and “good boy, just take a few deep breaths…” et cetera…

After it was all over, Michelle explained that she had had no luck either, waving a near empty glass capsule in front of me with what contained something that resembled a small splash of red ink.

“It seems you’re a bit dry” said Michelle dissaprovingly, as if I was late for school.

Tory nodded in agreement “It’s not uncommon” she said.

“A bit dry?” I asked trying to contain my increasing apprehension and disappointment while thinking I’ve just been painfully stabbed in the arms three times for nothing! What Next?!

“Is that a symptom of something?” I asked apprehensively, displaying my complete ignorance of even basic medicine while wondering whether it meant that I was gradually joining the club of Philip Ruddock, the walking dead.

“Come back tomorrow, and have another go” they suggested firmly, adding almost gleefully “we won’t be here.”

I’m not sure whether that last bit was meant to reassure them or me.

“And if that doesn’t work, they’ll probably send you to George Street.”

“George Street?” I asked. “What goes on at George Street?” wondering whether it might be some underground black market organ trafficking thing where you wake up in a bath tub of ice with a small scar where your liver used to be.

“Oh, they’re just more experience in drawing blood down there” said Michelle gleefully. “They’ve been doing it for over twenty years” she added reassuringly, which really only made me wonder why I had ended up here in the first place.

“Oh yes,” added Tory enthusiastically.

“They can get blood out of a stone down there”.

“Terrific” I thought. And so I collected my things and left. With three plasters on my arms, and with what little blood I have left remaining intact.

Maybe I should join that religion that refuses to give or receive blood. The Morons or whoever they are…

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47 Responses

  1. And I just went to my 5mth checkup with the shoulder surgeon. He walked in asked me to curl my arm, lift my arm overhead and then said “Excellent, You can now do any movements you want. See you in 12 months” And that was it.

    No needles. Nothing.

    But I still feel like shit, this man-flu is devastating. Devastating I tell ya!

  2. Back on deck after a weeks leave after Easter. Feel like nothing has happened. A week is just too short to get customers loans and finance out of your head. I will be taking a minimum of 2 weeks next time.

    Hope all had a wonderful Easter. All it did in Coonabarabran was rain for the four days of Easter. Only redeeming factor was that here on the Sunshine ( cough, cough) Coast it apparently rained for the whole period as well only the rain was torrential rather than gentle like it was in Coonabarabran.

    Riley came with me, such a great travel dog, curls up on the back seat and sleeps.

    So what did I miss, anything exciting from all of you ?

  3. I can sympathise with the unsuccessful blood-letting. Had lots of similar experiences over the years. A nurse in Byron recently put me onto something that works for me now – drink lots of water beforehand. Haven’t had any trouble finding a vein or reluctant bloodflow since.

  4. Fugitive..we recently moved, but were Byron residents, Newie and ‘nudgel for over 17 years.

  5. shaneinqld, on April 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm Said: So what did I miss, anything exciting from all of you ?

    Ans: Nope.

    My passion was the refugees thread..so much information. Son in the Navy on the patrol boats etc.

    However, the quotable quote goes to joni who stated (surprisingly on the RBA thread) that the Top 5 would be the Top Five liver performances.

    Due to joni suffering from the flu, he was obviously feeling a little jaundiced when he wrote this.

  6. Thanks Fugitive Pope,

    That’s what the nurse said (pity they didn’t tell me that when I made the appointment!!)

  7. Reb..I was going to add to Fugitive, keep warm (where are you RN?). In fact double rug up being Tassie and make fists lots.

    If it’s any consolation, people who have deep narrow veins are also sexy. Proven fact (sorry no link).

  8. reb, on April 20th, 2009 at 12:29 pm Said:

    Thanks Fugitive Pope,

    Difficulty in obtaining a blood sample is a well known symptom of a very common problem found throughout the community during economic uncertainty.

    Studies have shown that it is due to chronic dehydration caused because the patient……………

    …………….IS A CHRONIC PISSHEAD WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH ON THE WEEKEND

  9. Thanks Min

    Good to know all is still the same. As for liver performances, Had many of those in my teenage years, but not so much now. 🙂

  10. Shane..how are Riley’s sore paws? It seems that he is choofing very nicely.

    Kelpie is in deep poo having dug up my herb garden.

  11. Oh great – pick on the sick guy.

    Kamahl the Moderator: Why are people so unkind..?

  12. Thank You Walrus,.

    However I’ll have you know that not a glass of wine has past these lips in the past 10 days!

    Welcome back Shane..

    What have you missed?

    Scaper’s still planning to build Crapopolis (formerly Crapperville)

    TB’s got new teeth and a new laptop which he’s struggling with.

    Tom Of Melbourne still thinks there’s a union conspiracy.

    Min remains the calming influence..

    And we have a new moderator – Kamahl.

  13. Joni..it seems to be that what you need is a Vicks Vaporub. I would voluteer to help only hubby might object.

  14. Well,

    This wealth crazed prick is going to get some lunch.

  15. Reb, was it one of those blood tests that required you to fast for 12 hours first? They’re the worst kind. Not only do you get stabbed repeatedly but the pangs of hunger are equally excruciating.

    And that small plash of “red ink” in the glass capsule was not blood. I think a small amount of shiraz escaped from your body.

  16. Reb re lunch, the 3 che’s. Cheese chives and chutney.

  17. Just heard on the waddio … J.G. Ballard has died.

  18. Miglo,

    Fortunately it was not one of those fasting ones..

    This one was for cholestorol.. Something to do with testing whether I’ve got good or bad litpids, cholypterol and lipdefidelids or something like that.

    The last time, I had it done there were all these flashing red numbers on the doc’s PC screen, which I took as a sign that things “weren’t quite right”.

  19. Vaporub… yeah, I might go and get some.

    # One hundred blogocrats marching along #

  20. My fun one was a 24 hour heart monitor and having to wear this big thingy around. In between times I had to collect mega size parcels from the Billinudgel post office.

    Believe it or not..huge brawney bikies came from the the ‘nudgel pub and carried all the parcels for me.

  21. joni…re Vaporub..it works. Especially when it’s provided as a massage by a loved one.

  22. Just heard on the waddio … J.G. Ballard has died.

    Ross Sharp, on April 20th, 2009 at 1:09 pm Said:

    Who………………?

    Oh yeah the guy that found the Titanic………..!

  23. Thanks Min

    Riley is going well but his paws are still a major problem, have ordered boots but apparently take some time to arrive.

    Good to see all the guys are still the same, wouldn’t want it any other way.

    Trying to catch up on past articles, especially the Bank Margins post which was virtually what I articulated a few days before I left, so well done, as it is the truth.

  24. Shane – yeah – I did the margins post after you triggered the thought in my fragile little brain… was a good thread even though someone highjacked the post for a discussion about immigration.

  25. joni

    How dare someone hijack a thread :).

    It seems to be something we all do on here quite often, but thats part of the site that I like, we move onto something different most of the time. While we are asked to get back on topic, we are human and still tend to diverge again and again. But I like that.

  26. Min, on April 20th, 2009 at 12:09 pm Said:
    Fugitive..we recently moved, but were Byron residents, Newie and ‘nudgel for over 17 years.

    Hi neighbour! Wife and I are at Suffolk on the hills side; been there for 5 years now. Only another 15 before we’re locals.

    In Billi you’re still in the shire though arent you?

  27. Fugitive, we were mostly in Newy (aka New Brighton north of Brunswick Heads) and then at The Pocket via Billinudgel. Eldest and b/f are also in Suffolk. I should imagine that they live only a bit around the corner from you.

    We moved up north due to hubby working on the desal at Tugun.

    The Shire most definitely includes Billi.

  28. I have to get blood samples taken every couple of months, so I sympathise. I’ve found that while I want to watch the process, my subconscious isn’t so keen and I get a bit woozy if I do. And it’s much appreciated when they hit the vein the first time…

    Fugitive..we recently moved, but were Byron residents, Newie and ‘nudgel for over 17 years.

    And Fugitive, my grandparents lived in Mullumbimby for yonks, and I lived in Main Arm for a year and caught a bus to school that went through Billinudgel. Small world 😉

    My fun one was a 24 hour heart monitor and having to wear this big thingy around.

    Was that a Halter (sp?) monitor? I had to do that quite a few years ago too. Difficult to sleep with, especially with the oxygen sensor clamping somewhat painfully on a finger. And then there was the sleep clinic where it’s harder to sleep than normal due to all the machinery and wires attached to you, never mind the neighbours…

  29. Speaking of torture, apparently waterboarding is so effective at getting information that you have to do it 183 times to your key suspect…

  30. Loth..Main Arm is of course just up the roadl We had the property just the other side of The Pocket school.

    How old are you..youngest went to the Billindugel school before it was relocated to Ocean Shores.

    Youngest is 24yrs…all crew went to Mullum High.

    Yes, among other things I have an irregular heart beat. It’s a normal irregular heart beat. This was a full harness thingy.

  31. I’m officially middle-aged, but I don’t feel particularly old – just a different generation to the teenagers and uni students these days 😉

  32. Must be all that fresh country air. Fugitive at Suffolk Park and Loth’s family Mullumbimbians.

  33. next time i go through the airport i will wear the same socks for three or more days. sick of they way they target me in a group. i could be known as the toe jam terrorist threatening airport staff with smell.
    Hell with it, I’m going feral on my next trip.

    I don’t embarrass easily with my dumb look.

  34. Loth… I am currently getting a new torture thread together – should be up tomorrow morning.

  35. Min & Lothar, I had the same heart monitor some years ago and also have an irregular heartbeat condition. Not life threatening just bloody irritating, doubly so because can no longer drink coffee.

    The fresh air and slower pace up here have done me a world of good.

  36. Tony

    Only 34% Now Blame Humans for Global Warming.

    Thats a poll, doesn’t mean it is the truth.

    51% of democrats blame humans.
    66% of republicans do not blame humans
    47% of non aligned do not blame humans.

    If that is not a result along party political lines I don’t know what is. Too many people simply align themselves on numerous topics and issues based on who they voted for at the ballot box, rather than investigate the matter as an individual, who has a half decent brain, to make up their own decision without including party politics.

  37. Aqua re your socks and not changing them for 3+ days… would be appreciated if you could advise re your flights..so that we can all avoid these.

  38. Tony,

    Re: Obama…..PRICELESS……..

  39. Credit where it’s due: Kudos to all involved in our Government’s decision to boycott the farcical UN ‘Racism’ conference.

  40. Tony

    I completely agree, what a farce the conference has become.

  41. There used to be a certain part of the Botanical Gardens here in Melbourne which was a popular meeting place for some of our newly arrived African brothers. Many a long and happy afternoon they had spent near a large tree of a particular species.

    It wasn’t long, however, before the groundskeepers noticed a change in the tree. Even though it was an evergreen, it seemed to be rapidly losing its leaves, before eventually becoming completely denuded.

    After a little research by one of the junior staff, the cause of this strange occurence was revealed. The tree was one of these.

  42. “Credit where it’s due: Kudos to all involved in our Government’s decision to boycott the farcical UN ‘Racism’ conference.”Tony

    It is clear that they are taking their lead from ABolt……….?

  43. Oftenbark, if your reading. ‘Your’ horse is running today: Sandown R7.

  44. Thanks Tony. Shall peruse field.

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