Welcome to Midweek Mayhem!
The place where we get to talk about everything, including sensitive health issues.
Health and nutrition. Now who would’ve thought that the regular household Aussie icon Vegemite would come in for a severe serve of criticism due to its salt content. Apparently it’s been revealed as a major health hazard with headlines around the world demanding that it be immediately removed from supermarket shelves.
All well and good. As long as those same supermarket shelves remained well-stocked with healthy and nutritious cigarettes my breakfast routine shall remain relatively unaffected. I’ll just switch to that kiwi shite Marmite instead.
Chemists. Now they’re meant to be interested in our health aren’t they? Why is it then, that they continue to sell so called “weight loss” products that simply don’t work?
They’re definitely not interested in our financial health when a bottle of Listerine costs a helluva lot more than you’d pay at the supermarket.
I use Listerine every day, and now I find that it too, is determined to kill me.
And then there’s the people who work at Chemists. The “pharmacists.” What a pack of dullards. You know the type. The ones who can’t just simply handover your medication without first asking a diatribe of meaningless, irrelevant questions “have you taken this medication before?” “Make sure you take this food,” “have you got high blood pressure?” YES OF COURSE I DO. THAT’S WHAT THE MEDICATION’S FOR YOU F**KING MORON!”
And then they have to wear those little white jackets that button at the collar with a name badge pinned upon her bosom “Jill” (I wonder what the other one’s called? I ponder for a moment) with every movement and gesture silently shouting “I wanted to be a doctor, but this is as close as I could get! Please think of me as a doctor, and not just some lowly shop assistant”
I refuse to play along with the charade anymore. “Make sure you don’t take these on an empty stomach.”
” I know!” I howl “That’s what my doctor said. “You know, my REAL DOCTOR. He who hath the power to write prescriptions.”
“Make sure you take one in the morning and one at night.”
“I know!!!!” I protest. ” I can read you know, that’s what it says on the packet!!!”
“I’m not completely incapacitated, or some docile moron that never reached my full potential of achieving some life long ambition to really make something of myself, by healing the sick and infirm, only to find myself working in a shop all day long handing over little white boxes to people that I don’t know, don’t care about, and couldn’t care less whether they lived or died, but desperately pretending that I do by offering useless titbits of ‘medical advice’ if only to desperately maintain the illusion that ‘I am making a difference,’ ‘I am a doctor’ when the sad and harsh reality is that you’re not. You’re destined to maintain your miserable little existence of false pretence because, when you return home at the end of each working day, you can look yourself in the mirror, and say – I did say “only take two twice daily”.
“Now just give me my drugs and f**k off!”
Now where did I put that valium…..
Aside from that, I’m sure they’re lovely people…