Christmas Carol Competition!

It has come to my attention, that I have been accused, somewhat obliquely I might add, of not quite getting into “the Christmas spirit.” To countenance this speculation, and to demonstrate that I am perfectly capable of “having a good time” (if it’s absolutely necessary), I am today getting into the swing of things by launching our very own “Invent your own Christmas Carol Competition!”

Here’s how it works…

The idea is that you choose the general sing-along tune to any one of those rotten old carols that we hear everywhere at this time of year, BUT, put your own words to it.

Let’s face it, there’s plenty of songs to choose from, most of them shite, so get those creative juices flowing.


A fantastic brand new cd (still sealed in its original cellophane wrapper!) –


Win this F**kin' Awesome Prize!

Win this F**kin' Awesome Prize!

Featuring all your favourites like Glenn Campbell, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash!!

I know! It’s almost too good to be true!


This once-in-a-lifetime prize could be yours, simply by whipping up some naff piece of drivel that happens to ryhme with a traditional Christmas Carol!

Imagine ramping up your own Christmas party at home with the raunchy down home n’ dirty “Rhinestone Cowboy” or get those headbangers moshing to Patsy Cline’s “I go walking after midnight!!”

How difficult could it be..??

Just submit your work of genius by no later than midday, December 17.

I’m almost wetting myself with excitement just thinking about it!!

The winner will be announced on next week’s Midweek Mayhem!!

F**k it! I’ll even cover the cost of postage to your place..!!

You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to win, so get tapping and typing blogocrats!!

And remember – you’ve gotta be in it to win it!!


71 Responses

  1. Let me guess… three queens…. um… you, me and SB?

  2. Spot on Joni!

    Now if I only I can find something to rhyme with MDMA…

  3. Last time I rhymed I was crucified by the blogocrats. So no more from me. 😛

  4. I’ll just add that blogocrats couldn’t arrange a nativity play. Couldn’t find 3 wise men and a virgin here.

  5. Glad to see you don’t consider yourself wise or a virgin Tom.

  6. “to rhyme with MDMA…”

    Play is possibly an appropriate rhyme given the subject matter.

  7. And I win the Carol competition. For the past 50+ years I have had to suffer through the following jokes Carols in the Park, Carols in the Domain, Carols by candlelight (I wish) and Carols by the Bay (sounds reasonable).

    Min aka Carol

  8. Silent Plight
    Holy Fight
    War is here
    Day and Night
    Rounds of mortars kill
    Mother and Child
    Holy Jihads
    And countries go wild
    Sleep in terrible peace
    Sleep in terrible peace

  9. And because I can’t think of anything clever (yep still)..and because I get to cuddle my little grand-daughter tomorrow morning I’m sending something really soppy. The amazing voice of Mr Nat King Cole.

  10. Jingle Bells
    Finance Spells
    Money Thrown Away
    Workers Sacked
    While Bosses Backed
    All on Christmas Day

  11. Well so far Shane is the winner.

    Come on you lot!

    I’m actually thinking of giving away a real prize for this competition!!

    (I just haven’t figured out what it is yet).

  12. Update: Our First Major new Prize Giveaway announced.

    I know, it’s almost un-f**kin-believable!!

  13. reb

    My sister will love thai album and i’m SERIOUS. 🙂

  14. Reb,

    I’m not going to even attempt a Christmas carol as I was permanently scared by a rigid Catholic education so for me to even attempt a Christmas carol would be akin to a German citizen skipping happily down the street singing the Anthem of the Panzer Lehr Division and thinking nothing of it.

    But here’s a contribution with apologies to John Lennon and which of course should be sung to the tune of “So this is Christmas (the War is Over)”

    So this is Christmas
    And it’s not been much fun
    Another Debt Rollover
    A rights issue just begun

    And so this is Christmas
    With bankers on the run
    Buy beer and gold shares
    Sell Rio cause they’re bung

    A very merry Christmas
    And a happy New Year
    Kerry Packers young son
    Might need to sell the Lear

    And so this is Christmas
    An ABC upgrade is wrong
    Eddie’s rich but the kiddies
    Join the rest of the throng

    And so Happy Christmas
    Freddie Mac and Fannie
    Your debts are like Wow
    But its all shite now
    And I cant see any beer

    A very merry Christmas
    And a happy New Year
    With bankers on the run
    But we have some beer

    And so sub prime is like Tetanus
    To have it is no fun
    As another Lear flies over
    On the Washington run

    And so Happy Christmas
    Its because Hummers weigh a ton
    I fear a margin call has just begun
    Time to fold and be gone

    A very merry Christmas
    And a happy New Year
    With bankers on the run
    But we have some beer

    War is over if you want it
    War is over now

  15. Umm errr..from the 50’s..

    Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin flew away..

    And I can’t remember the rest of it…

  16. Jesus Christ I just saw what the prize is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    .How the F**k do I withdraw my entry

  17. Walrus


  18. That’s not fair. I can’t possibly come up with something whitty and intelligent by the 17th December.

  19. oh come on Min, you can do it!

    Howabout we open it up to all those other crappy Christmas songs if it makes it easier, like:

    – Do they know it’s Christmas Time at all

    – Last Christmas (The george michael thing)


  20. Min,

    Please help allay my worst fears and at least try.

  21. Walrus @17

    Look, no expense was spared to source that incredibly expensive and highly sought after prize.

    You may turn up your nose at it, but just wait until TB Queensland cops a whiff of it.

    He’ll be practising on his “happy hammond” at home to come up with some “hooked on Christmas” foot-stompin medley!

    Ya ungrateful b@stard!!

  22. “Jesus Christ I just saw what the prize is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    .How the F**k do I withdraw my entry”

    You can’t. If declared the winner you must accept your prize graciously, say thank you, how honoured and humbled you are etc etc. you know the usual insincere BS.

    Then you conclude with “I don’t deserve such a prize, the value of which is beyond words and I hereby donate it to be awarded to the next deserving winner of a Blogocrats competition”.

  23. Oh noo..the pressure is on.

    I’ll just have to go with hubby’s favorites (he of the Catholic upbringing),

    Hark the hare lipped angels sing…
    And that classic tribute to Santa, Old Wack Farn.
    As in, Old wack farn it is to drive in a one horse open sleigh.

  24. Bad boy scaper developed a frown
    His lady had a bright idea for xmas
    To shout him some cosmetic needles in his face
    Been told of the pain, quite nasty business

  25. Or you could refuse it, by way of making some sort of symbolic gesture, like the way in which David Bowie laughed off accepting a knighthood from the queen.

  26. Scaper, it’s meant to f**kin’ Ryhme.

    FFS do I have to organise everything around here….


  27. reb

    Elton offered Bowie a knighthood?

  28. LOL reb.

    xmas – business

    Not exactly Banjo Paterson, but it kind of rhymes.

  29. Scaper, it’s meant to f**kin’ Ryhme.

    FFS do I have to organise everything around here….

    Hell’s bells reb have some sense. This is only the 1st verse, the rhyming bit happens in the next 4 or 8 or 12222 lines.

  30. Just a quick sign off. Off to see the new little grandperson via the early early flight to Cairns. Will be back early next week.

  31. I’m copping the needles on Saturday morning and don’t want it but Mrs scaper is fragile since her hysterectomy so if it makes her happy how can I refuse?

  32. A fantastic brand new cd (still sealed in its original cellophane wrapper!) – reb

    Yeah well why does that statement not in the least surprise me !

  33. “I’m copping the needles on Saturday morning”


    And Walrus, at least the CD is “brand new”. If it was unwrapped, bloody TB would accuse me of recycling some unwanted gift!

  34. Botox!!!

    Here I was thinking you were some rugged butch Marlborough Man, and now you’re gonna end up looking like Pauline Hanson’s sidekick and part time shag, whatever his name was.

    Honestly scaper. Are you really sure you want to go through with this.???????????????????

  35. if it was unwrapped, bloody TB would accuse me of recycling some unwanted gift! — Reb

    Well that’s what I mean…………………The very fact that it was unwrapped means there was an inititial burst of curiosity when it was first “gifted” which was ultimately rapidly extinguished sometime during its first play.

    The fact that it still remains unwrapped means there was never any curiosity as to its listed content at all.

    I rest my case…………!

  36. Oooops !

    Sorry posted twice

    A ” blogger’s stutter”

  37. Not really…in three months time I will be back to normal.

    I knew Pauline’s ex-husband, Mark…a pretty good guitarist and could I tell you some stories about her.

    The fish and chip shop was established from the proceeds of crime.

  38. No, I don’t mean her ex-husband, I mean that politician with the glasses – the smarmy christian one.

    The complete ***t.

    Ah Mike Oldfield!!!!

    Thank God it finally came to me.

  39. Walrus,

    I remain offended and affronted at your lack of appreciation for the amount of money that I, personally, have forked out to offer an almost, nay, completely, irresistable prize for this competition.

    It was either this CD, a Delonghi Espresso Machine, a Dyson vacuum cleaner or a High Definition Blu-ray player, and this is the thanks I get….??????

  40. BD Player sucked me in, sreb, just got the “happy Hammond” (that’s Hammond with a capital H – Philistine – mphhh!) and will post ASAP…maybe a few days but I’m working on We Three Kings of orient are – one in a bottle and one in a jar (sound familiar my friendly Scottish, elf, mmmm?)

    Bugger, I just read your last post – “…it was either this CD…”, – this CD! This CD? CD!

    What do you think I am? In your own words – “an artiste” – why would I want a bloody CD that IATW doesn’t want – Jesus wept!

    …I can produce my own CD’s! (I give ’em away! {I knew you needed a comeback})

    sreb, that is just palin (I left this deliberately – nice Freudian slip I thought….insulting…

    Now –

    I’ll be home for Christmas

    da da da da de

  41. Found a post by Elise of Perth at The Australian!

    Gee, it would be great to see her here…

  42. 31. Min

    Safe and happy trip, Min, enjoy!

  43. “I can produce my own CD’s! (I give ‘em away!”

    Well why don’t you give us one for a prize, then ya miserable old git. Let me guess “TB does the Best of Demis Rousoss”

    “My friend the wind…ooooo….ooooooo”

  44. or TB sings “Blogocrat Town” (whistling optional)

  45. OK… now it is my turn to disappear for a while. Off now to get the shoulder fixed. Will be back on tomorrow afternoon (I hope).

    Wish me luck.

  46. Good luck with the shoulder joni.

    Remember to demand some heavy duty painkillers!!!

  47. Reb, what’s your email? I got something that might go down well for Friday’s Frolyks.

  48. Good Luck, joni

    (although with the way you and the Scottish Christmas elf have been treating me lately I don’t why I’m so nice to you!)

    BTW WT and soda is a good pain killer!

  49. Here’s my entry (I do confess that IATW threw me right off with such a polished presentation – especially for a bloody bean counter – are you sure he didn’t lift it off the web?)

    Sung to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”

    I’ll be home for Christmas,
    Jail has set me free,
    Just in time for dinner
    And to rob the Christmas tree

    I’ll be home for Christmas,
    And while you all are pissed,
    I’ll be picking out the presents that
    All you dick’s have missed

    I’ll be home for Christmas,
    Shite that’s sirens near,
    Time to hit the back door…
    Where’s, me friggin’ beer!

    …and reb, I really want that CD, mate, its got Glenn Campbell on it – wow!

  50. Thanks, Reb. Sent from my work address which is different from the one I quote here, so check it don’t go to your spam.

    I’m off to the office Xmas party.

  51. That is a superb effort TB.

    Reb,………………TB must win the prize based on that effort………… effort must be a very distant last.

    Enjoy your CD TB………………magnificent effort………………truly magnificent !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And no TB I DID NOT lift my effort it off the web

  52. Walrus,

    It’s getting very close, I have to say. Almost a draw.

    We might need to have a “Carol-Off” to decide the winner.

    Either that, or I might need to unlock the wallet and buy a copy of the Stars of Country CD for you both!!

    I know how much you want it, and hate to see you walk away disappointed…


  53. IATW – I apologise if I offended (fingers crossed behind back) it was just a little aside (re lifting of the web) – in the spirit (don’t you just love puns) of the thread…

    …sreb, mate, the CD should really go to IATW – his musical tastes far exceed mine and anyway his CC was much longer than mine and came in first – IATW by a long shot – really…

    …although, on second thought, it might be interesting to see if anything flies out of your wallet (that’s if you could find another copy of such a sought after CD) – I just remembered your “heritage”! That could be fun…

  54. We might need to have a “Carol-Off” to decide the winner.—- Reb

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmm !

    That brought back some memories as I once when I was younger got a certain “Carol-Off”

  55. IATW – you are a sick puppy (sorry, ol’ dog!)

  56. “when I was younger got a certain “Carol-Off”


    “Carol off drugs?”

    “Carol off cigarettes?”

    “Carol off the streets?”

    I know what you mean. I was just trying to bring the conversation back to a “family show”

    You dirty, dirty old man!

    (said in my best Steptoe and Son imperonation)


  57. Here’s a trip down memory lane…I posted this on Blogocracy & Road to Surfdom in the second half of oct 07:

    Here’s to Peter (SantaGrinch) Costello:

    Santa Grinch Is Coming To Town

    You better watch out
    You better be Rich
    Better not get sick
    I’m telling you why
    Santa Grinch is coming to town

    He’s making a budget
    And announcing it twice
    Gonna find out who’s barefoot and pregnant.
    Santa Grinch is coming to town

    He taxes you when you’re sleeping
    He GSTs you when you’re awake
    He knows if you’ve been Right or Left
    So be working non-stop for goodness sake!

    O! You better pay your taxes!
    And work from cradle to the grave
    Better not pout, or expect to pay off your house
    I’m telling you why.
    Santa Grinch is coming to town.
    Santa Grinch Costello…is coming to town.

    (based on the lyrics of Santa Claus is Coming to Town by J. Fred Coots, Henry Gillespie (c) 1934)

  58. “That brought back some memories as I once when I was younger got a certain “Carol-Off””

    Did she wear pearls by any chance?

  59. Good !

    Thank God for that

    Now it’s a deadheat between Nasking and TB………..both would be worthy winners

  60. 61. Pollytickedoff | December 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm


    Actually her sister’s name was Julie !

  61. Geez that Carol got around, didn’t she?

  62. 63. I Am The Walrus – Bloody hell mate be careful – it might be her!

    Gawd, now James is boasting (wonder how much he paid 😉 ) wonder hoe old she was when James got to her after IATW – and obviously tainted! 🙂

    As for the CC Comp obviously nasking by a year! Well done nasking!

    BTW nasking, did, sreb, tell you, you have to pay postage? Bullock dray and barge from Taswegia is about $2000 to the mainland and then whatever the local couriers charge, to your tent (oops, home)…

    …of course you could call someone in Taswegia and talk them both about a discount… 😆

  63. Bugger – that’s not “hoe” (big trouble here!) but “how” sorry, Julie (pollyt?) Christ, I’m confused… 😳


    Christmas Carol competition closes tomorrow at midday!

    Get those entries in, to win this fantastic CD!!

  65. Is it just a co-incidence that this competition is being run from Tasmania and the heads on the cover of the CD look like they are sharing just the one body.

    A triple header !!!!!!

    My………………..that’s even rare in Tasmania

  66. Cruel, Walrus, cruel.

    That’s almost disqualification material…

    But I know how much your heart yearns for this prize, so I am prepared to overlook your indiscretions on this occasion.

    Just this once mind you…

  67. And the winner is………………………………

    Drum roll please…………………………………

    The Winner is ???????????

    Our gracious winner has kindly donated the prize back to the Blogocrats Museum located in Hobart Tasmania.

    The prize itself will form the first exhibit seen by visitors on entry to the Museum when it opens.

    Reb thanks the winner for his/her generosity. Understandably the winner wishes to remain anonymous……………….!

    ***************THANKYOU FOR YOUR ENTRIES******************

    *****************THIS THREAD IS NOW CLOSED*******************

  68. The winner has been announced on Midweek Mayhem!!

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